Oh my have the last few days or even weeks maybe even months been a challenge.We are in a "crashing period" with the twins. I'll explain.
I was told by my mother long ago that children often ebb and flow in six month spurts between falling in line, being compliant and displaying obedience with joy. Then six months of pushing the limits, walking the fine line and teetering on the edge.
At the time she shared this with me I giggled. My first son was small, not old enough yet to exhibit such extremes. I was naive to the wonderful bliss and sweaty work of training and growing up boys into men (and 1 sweet girl).
Now, almost 6 years later, this ebb and flow is clear to me. They are like crashing waves and shifting tides.
Their ability to live at full blast each day brings challenges and joy. During the "crashing waves" period of time I find myself cycling through reminders, instructions, warnings, discipline, and a breath of air. I say, "when you are done with something put it back", "we don't leave Popsicle sticks on the carpet, you know where the trash is", "don't each boogers find a Kleenex", "please flush", "no need to scream in the house, you can play outside", "remember the baby is sleeping, don't slam the toilet lid down", "we are taking a nap today, just like yesterday", "please don't whine it doesn't change anything", "no we can't wear the same clothes for four days", "sorry your socks feel funny", "I don't know where your shoes are I didn't wear them last", "please get off the floor, just talk to me", "don't scream, don't scream, don't scream please!!!". I really could go on and on.
They seem to fight with each other more, struggle sharing, speaking kindly, finding compromise, and hearing any answer except what they want to hear. Their hearts are raw, their flesh loud, and in turn our lives seem crazy.
It is during this "crashing period" I must dive deep and keep my eye upon the training of their hearts. Reflecting grace, forgiveness, patience, love, all while setting a firm line and acting quickly to disrespect so as to not leave even a glimpse of opportunity for the devil set a foothold to their hearts.
I'm flawed in this process. I yell sometimes. I cry sometimes. Frustration runs deep and in the quiet of the evening exhaustion comes quick. Emotionally and physically I am drained. Spiritually it is a battleground. I must remember to tap into the All Powerful love of Jesus. I must remain steadfast in His will and love, it is what matters. I attempt to show my children His grace in my life. Ask for forgiveness of them in my shortcomings. Remember to put off self and put on love even when I am weak. I want to do better. I pray to grow with each cycle. It always comes on so quickly and leaves just as quickly before I can barely get my footing at times.
Then something happens and the tide shifts and my boys, although still loud, crazy and living at full throttle, are sweeter, softer, more compliant, less whiny, "yes mom", "okay mom", "mom, I want to be a soldier for God", "are you proud of me mom?", "I shared mom, see?". Their hearts are quieter and they are in a state of "new" composure.
It is in this "quiet cycle" I see glimpses of the hard work paying off. Their hearts are soaking up the lessons, putting on Jesus, and their spirits thirst for Him, being made in His nature, even when the "crashing cycle" seems so much louder. God is calling them. He is molding them. Even through my flawed and failed delivery at times. He is bigger than me.
Thank God!!!
I remember it is their heart that matters most. Not following all the rules, although that is nice and in most cases safer. The rules and expectations are in place for my own sanity as much as for their training. But, we cannot miss the heart. We must focus on the lessons of the heart...will they thirst for Christ? Do I even give God a chance to teach and call to them through my flawed life by talking about Him, walking with Him, and exhibiting Grace b/c of Him?
I am the lighthouse to this crazy, wild, crashing, sometimes calm, ocean. Even as the tides change the need for the lighthouse remains. It is not just a wild ocean that has need of a lighthouse but the ocean no matter its state. There are rocks ahead. There is danger. God has placed these children into my care, as the lighthouse, to bring them Home. He is the light.
What an awesome picture.
Lord, help me to be the mother you have called me to be to these precious children. That during both the crashing and quiet cycles I can reflect your light to their lives. That grace, forgiveness, love, and faithfulness would abide in our home. That the lighthouse you have created me to be would bring them safety and a place to call home. Help our home to be a compass that guides them to you.
Help me to be a good mother to boys. Help me to train up a lady in Brynn. Father....help.
Amen.
Excerpt from M.O.B. Society:
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