A great little article from At the Well:
So this tiny, helpless baby is placed in your arms. You know the wonderful, overwhelming feeling of being totally responsible for this immortal human being. It’s like God handing you a blank canvas.
Your job is to raise this child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. That’s no little job! I believe that a parent’s primary responsibility is discipleship. When I think of Jesus’ example as he walked with and taught his followers, pointing them always to the Father, revealing truth to them in the daily events of life, I can’t help think that we owe the same to our children. It’s intense, time-consuming and worth every second.
This prayer that Jesus prayed for His disciples is full of wisdom we can glean:
“I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word….For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them….While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe…I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world….My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one….Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world…” From John 16 & 17
But, the ultimate purpose is to grow them up. From the minute they are born, we are teaching them the next thing, helping them become more and more independent. From holding their own cup to getting dressed on their own then learning to cook or cut firewood, it’s a constant movement toward maturity. And we are to be growing them up spiritually all the same.
I want to carefully guide my children “in the way they should go,” but I want them to pick up from God’s Word and make it their own. I want them to obey as I lead them to God, but I want them to hunger for God themselves and desire the sweetness of His precepts.
I was talking to my brother about this and how I’m so grateful that the Lord is showing me how this works in my oldest daughter’s life. At 16, she now makes many decisions on her own, weighing them against the principles of truth. From her clothing to her choice of movies, books and music, if she were not able to discern these things for herself at her age, I would consider that we had possibly not done our job.
If our relationship is right, we will move from a position of establishing boundaries for our young ones, to one of sought-after counsel and guidance as they get older. But the ultimate goal is to raise children who, more and more, are able to discern, with the Spirit’s help, what God’s will is.
We’re raising men and women. We are passing the baton and handing down our legacy of faith. It’s easy for us to forget the goal. It’s easy to keep them in our “safe place” and just continue making their decisions for them. But that’s not why we’ve been given children. Arrows were meant to fly and leave our hands. Let’s be preparing them all the time for the launch.
Preparing them to Launch...
Hard Lessons
I am learning to appreciate the lessons God teaches me as I grow up...yes I am still growing up. I am the person that would resist admitting this, especially in those words. I simply have a desire to arrive...when do I arrive?
These gifts God has given to me reflect to me God's answer to that question. NEVER. As if through them God is quietly whispering to me....
The whisper of a coaxing, a calling to draw near, breath deep, seek me...I believe in you...hold tight...
He brings me to my knees to reveal to me my broken heart, my need for Him, that hope is never lost.
The lesson of this moment snuck in...settled softly...then in a quiet moment whispered to me...
"You need to LAUGH more, HOLD them longer, and bear down in LOVE to train them up."
My husband and I have been committed to training them up for some time now. That isn't just a phrase, it is a way of living. Intentional training of children...not just expecting but teaching, holding their hands, drawing hard lines, keeping them close, making expectations clear...
It is a constant, demanding, sometimes exhausting, but most rewarding job. We believe it is also the ONLY way to fulfill our calling as Parents in a biblical manner.
And, in the moments of training up children, boys and a young lady, to Love Jesus, Obey Authority, Love Others, Sacrifice Themselves, and show HONOR, VALORE and BRAVERY-- satan also tries to whisper..."It isn't fun", "Get Angry", "They aren't learning"...
His motives are clear...but they can be overcome. I must take a step back...gently but efficiently remind myself, through God's word and His lessons to express JOY because the calling is filled with JOY. Being a mother is a gift and a blessing. Always noted by God in His Word as a blessing He Gave to those He was rewarding. That moves me towards growing up...for them, for me, for Him.
God has given us much and in return much is required. Raising Warriors for Christ SHOULD be FUN, SERIOUS, JOYFUL, CHALLENGING, RIGOROUS, REWARDING, INTENTIONAL yet WONDERFUL all at the same time
This is only possible with God.
We once were listening to an audio series on parenting and the speaker said, "Often we find our dissapointments with our children are a result of our own personal selfishness."
They are CHILDREN and when they make a mess it offends our NEED for it to be clean.
---Children are just messy by nature and must be taught to be clean.
They are CHILDREN and when they spill it offends our NEED not to be bothered to clean it up
---Children are clumsy by nature and must mature over time.
They are CHILDREN and when they don't come when they are called it offends our PRETENSE of being a good parent.
---Children aren't given an innate ability to obey, they must be trained.
They are CHILDREN and when they display "wrong" behavior in public or perhaps hit another child, it embarrasses us so we lash out against them.
---Children can't grow from parents who LASH but rather flourish with parents who LOVINGLY train and discipline.
I myself need this priceless reminder...this is the growing up part. Self control, righteous anger, putting others first...Start responding like an adult, refrain and restrain your personal self centeredness, children can sniff it out, and approach being a mother with some grace and JOY.
The lesson to be learned as Mothers is clear although we convince ourselves it is often elusive...the application of it all... well, attempts should be made through prayer...
Bad Mom and Repentance
From At the Well:
“I am such a bad mom!”
As it has happened before–more times than I care to mention–I retreat from the chaos, hollering, and fighting into my bedroom, to give myself a time out.
“Father, I need your help. I’m not doing a very good job at this!” I am irritated and impatient. Quick to anger, abounding in selfishness, and not at all clothed with compassion or gentle understanding. I desperately want to be a good mom. Really, I do! I only have one problem. Sin.
I remember reading a book, before my husband and I had any children of our own, that claimed to be about how to raise kids to love Jesus. In the opening chapter of the book, the author made it clear that I had better deal with all of my problem areas, shortcomings, and sins before I ever considered having kids. If I didn’t, there was no way my children would follow God. I, the inveterate perfectionist that I am, panicked. If that was the case, there was no way that I could ever be a mom.
God, in His providence, helped me to put that book down. I never did finish reading it. I think many Christian moms cripple ourselves with perfectionism. We weigh ourselves down with a heavy burden, as though our children were saved by our works of righteousness.
How foolish we are to think this way! Lord, help us! The truth of the matter is that I am a bad mom. You are a bad mom. We’re all bad moms. The only solution to our problem is the Gospel.
“It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all.” 1 Timothy 1:15 (NASB)
And so we repent and believe. And repent. And believe. And repent and believe.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 (ESV)
I confess my sins before Him. My totally desperate state, completely incapable of being a good mom on my own.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5 (ESV)
“I thank you, Father, that I don’t need to mother these children you have given me by my own strength. Help me to mother them by your grace.”
“Children, I’m really sorry for losing my temper just a few minutes ago. It was wrong of me to yell at you all like that. Will you forgive me?”
My little ones look up with me, with a sweet trust in their wide, precious eyes that I know I don’t deserve.
“Yes, Mom, we forgive you.”
They throw their arms around me, like the prodigal mom come home, and I choke back the tears. No, my children do not have a perfect mom. What they have is a redeemed mom. A mom who needs the Savior just as much as they do.
Baby #5
It is official and we are oh so incredibly blessed. We are expecting baby #5 in November which for the first time doesn't feel like forever away. This will be my first pregnancy in which I will be pregnant and giving birth in the same calendar year. I was a little surprised to be pregnant this time... Not because getting pregnant is challenging but rather because it has come so easily in the past I wondered if God would allow us to conceive again in the same way.
I am still nursing and this is the first time I've conceived with a nursing child. We've also done much more talking about Quiverfull and what God's will was for us. I somewhat expected that maybe this time, having resolved that God is supreme in this area of our lives as well that maybe God would say No to another baby. I had prepared my heart for this to be His answer.
Joyfully, God sees fit that we raise another precious baby into a Christ following, passionate young person in this world. If we could only be as fit for that Calling as we feel we ought to be.
I must devote much time to my children now as their number are growing, their age quickly accelerating in number and their hearts so welcoming to formation. It takes much diligence, one I can often say I do not give the way I ought to give. It is my hearts desire that Justin and I can commit ourselves to further diligence, love, patience, unwavering standards amidst unrelenting relationship. Be praying with us if you can.
God blessings,
Chelsea
Ramblings of my Mind-QUIVERFULL
When Justin and I got married we said we wanted 7 children. We agreed on that, crazy I know. We thought it sounded awesome. Especially not having any children to speak of yet. Once we had Cole we thought maybe 7 was too many but certainly, at least, 3. We had talked about God's view of childbearing and the idea that trusting Him with all things includes how many children we have and when. We didn't want to trust God with the rest of our lives and not with our children.
You know the story, we then had the twins, which were an amazing blessing. We were so surprised to have twin boys. We felt so special and chosen by God to be called with twins. They were harder work. There is definately no rest for the weary when raising two little bundles of joy.
Once the twins had reached almost a year we were deciding what to do, continue or stop. I felt a tugging to have another but I didn't want to push my husband. He was leaning towards stopping. I was patient. I didn't argue about it, that I can remember, I simply stated my position. It didn't take long and Justin seemed softened with the idea. He gave me a window to get pregnant stating that if it was God's will it would happen. Mother's day 2008 I was prego!!! Our first Daughter. God's will indeed.
Here we are now, with 4 beautiful, healthy, wonderful children. Brynn is approaching a year and the decision is to be made yet again. I've been seeing, reading, and noticing large families everywhere. I'm inspired by their families, their devotion to Christ, their faith. I don't feel frantic about it but I do wonder what will we do. We've talked about both ways and still no firm decision is made.
I've been doing some reading tonight and I found the Blog, "Raising Arrows". On her blog she talks about the term QUIVERFULL. I hadn't heard that term before. "The term is used to describe any family who leaves their childbearing completely in the Lord's hands. This means no birth control, no sterilization, and no Natural Family Planning; no prevention of any kind." I instantly feel a tugging in my heart. I want to trust God's headship in my life, even in fertility. But, surprisingly, I'm nervous. I don't get nervous about much. With a little heart prompting I realize I'm nervous about what others will think.
I don't want to be, but I am. I don't want to be seen as careless, irresponsible, lacking in wisdom, impatient, overworked, etc. The list is long. I want to do what God has called me to do with ease and clear direction. Then add in that my husband has to be on board. God has to call him to this same place.
There are some awesome resources out there to read and be challenged by concerning Quiverfull.
I suppose this decision and conviction still has some working out to be done by us, but until then, I desire to be in prayer about it, seeking God's will in it, and peacfully placing it in His hands.
Nate and Paula Wilson
http://home.att.net/~nathan.wilson/brthcntl.htm
MOMYS
http://www.momys.com/
QuiverFull
http://www.quiverfull.com/
I love this quote from Raising Arrows: The world says children are a burden; something that sucks us dry of precious time and energy. The world tells us we must think of ourselves first and foremost and if we don't, we are likely to lose ourselves in the murky waters of parenthood. The world says motherhood is a pasttime, a hobby, something to be done when we aren't so busy. The world is wrong!
