I don't even know how longs it's been since I wrote. It seems like forever. No One Thousand Gifts, No poetic writings of my trials as a mother or my joys. I've gone silent over the past few months. Things have been...strange.
I'd like to blame homeschooling. It sent us into a new schedule, placed new demands upon my time, my free "me" time, caused me to cherish a quick nap when I can grab one.
The holidays came and went with a whirlwind...why do I fear this will all happen again too soon. It's already April for goodness sakes. April...
We have a January birthday, twinkies in March, trips to the dunes as a family...sometimes it's a blur. But, a lovely, blessed, crazy, sometimes manic blur...
I'm a perfectionist, I think we've talked about this before. My ever demanding need to keep things consistent, updated, and perfected. When too much time goes by without writing or sitting down to share on our family blog (which operates much more like a timeline of events than this particular blog) I tend to then avoid it because I'm uncomfortable with the imperfection.
Isn't is crazy? Blogging doesn't have to be perfect. It's just a simple window to my heart. Something I actually use to leave behind a piece of myself for my children. It's a journal. But I started and restarted journals as a kid when too much time went by. I couldn't stand the lapsing in time. I wanted to be a perfect, neat, tidy, wonderful little journaler (is this a word?). What world is that from?
But, as is to be expected, here I am again picking up after a month of being away and tons of inconsistencies before that. God is refining me through even something as simple as this!
Easter
I've laid low this year about Easter. Much less than the year before have I talked and read about the coming celebration. Maybe I'm tired or maybe it's just a year to be quiet.
Christmas was quiet this year and for that I'm grateful. It simplified God's love for us. Made the whole thing just about God coming to earth. No confusion or too much information (which I think I've done before with the Jesse Tree and readings).
Easter is following this same smoothly, quiet path.
My oldest randomly asked me when were going to do Passover, by marking our doors with red paint and sharing in the model God set in motion long before Jesus was actually nailed to the cross. They get the picture. My sweet, sinful, distract able little children see the picture painted by God in Egypt and then again in Isaac and then again on the cross.
It amazes me. There is no confusion to them. It is as clear as day. Jesus is the blood on the walls, the lamb in Isaac's place, the final payment of our sin at Galgotha.
We began to read this morning to start our school day in Matthew of Jesus being crucified. It is a simple version of the events, not too filled with details in case they get distracted, when they get distracted.
Within minutes the questions are flooding from their mouths. "Who helped Jesus carry the cross?", "Was Jesus' brother there to watch him die?", "Was his mommy sad?", "Where was his daddy?", "Where did he go after he died before he rose from the tomb?", "Does he live in heaven now?", "He loves us so much mom.".
I asked my children if they would be willing to die for the whole world, beyond the people they love and who love them. My oldest who is still 6 (even though I like to treat him like he is already 7), pondered this carefully and then matter of factly said, "No. They don't deserve it."
It was as though God simply handed me the smoothest line of questions and answers in order to perfectly paint for my children the ultimate and love and sacrifice Jesus gave to us on the cross. I couldn't have planned it better. I simply obeyed the tugging from the Lord to read to them from the Bible. Something I don't do enough b/c they tend to get bored.
God is faithful.
We then took a hike up the hill at a nearby church to see the cross and see the tomb, to ponder even more what He did for us that day. What God had planned from the moment Adam took the apple in His desperate desire to draw us back to Him. To bridge the gap between the creator and the created.
I saw the cross today through my children. I put the pieces together again in a renewed way and then reminded us all that it isn't just about eternity. It has to be about today. Living out the gospel today. Loving, sharing, forgiving...
I asked them, "If the cross and the gospel are the most important things in our life, do we share them with others like we should?". Cole, stated, "No, I don't." I asked him why. "Because I get nervous."
Me too buddy. Me too. It's true. We don't want to offend, put off, seem weird...Well, I don't want to do that. But, the gospel is the most living and breathing thing we as Christians have to share.
In what ways has the Gospel moved you today?
sits in my lap and I ponder whether they will understand what I read to them and I quickly pray for the Lord to speak to their hearts while the mind might falter behind.
