One of the best recommendations I've been given this year has come from a friend at church. We switched churches this year and began attending a Family Integrated Church near our house. It has been a wonderful experience for us as we decipher God's calling in our lives as parents of a large family and the unique challenges and abundant blessings that come from that calling.
A seasoned mother in our church told me about a book. "Raising Godly Tomatoes" is the name and tomato staking is the heart of the book. Not real tomatoes but rather our children.
The author has so many wonderful passages about children, raising them, loving them, schooling them, loving them...yes I said it twice on purpose. She points out that disciplining them, rather raising them in a disciplined, loving, consistent home is quite a gift.
The children are the tomatoes...she compares them to a real one. Tomatoes grow better when staked, held close to the stake to be supported, rooted, healthy, strong...
Children are similar. They need to be close, nearby, influenced, talked with, encouraged, struggle snuffed quickly, strife resolved swiftly, love spoken often...
Children need to be staked to the mother, or the father. They learn best that way. When staked to the parent they are given tasks, taught methods, trained, and spend time learning and watching the parent to learn how to be a woman or a man. It truly is a beautiful picture.
The hope is to stake when necessary, when we see strife or rough behavior, but also to focus on each of them at a specific time that we may be intentional with each of them independently as well as together. I'm sure it will take some learning, some time...But the hope is to nurture their growth, plant seeds of hope and love for Christ, mature them into arrows, that their direction will be clear and concise.
“Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” – Galatians 6:7-9
Dear Mother, your little one’s hearts are gardens that need tending. Are you carefully cultivating the Word of God in their hearts, tilling with grace, watering with love, and warming with prayer? You can be sure that something will grow there. The question is, will it be the Word, or will it be weeds? --from At the Well
Tomato Staking
Preparing them to Launch...
A great little article from At the Well:
So this tiny, helpless baby is placed in your arms. You know the wonderful, overwhelming feeling of being totally responsible for this immortal human being. It’s like God handing you a blank canvas.
Your job is to raise this child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. That’s no little job! I believe that a parent’s primary responsibility is discipleship. When I think of Jesus’ example as he walked with and taught his followers, pointing them always to the Father, revealing truth to them in the daily events of life, I can’t help think that we owe the same to our children. It’s intense, time-consuming and worth every second.
This prayer that Jesus prayed for His disciples is full of wisdom we can glean:
“I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word….For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them….While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe…I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world….My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one….Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world…” From John 16 & 17
But, the ultimate purpose is to grow them up. From the minute they are born, we are teaching them the next thing, helping them become more and more independent. From holding their own cup to getting dressed on their own then learning to cook or cut firewood, it’s a constant movement toward maturity. And we are to be growing them up spiritually all the same.
I want to carefully guide my children “in the way they should go,” but I want them to pick up from God’s Word and make it their own. I want them to obey as I lead them to God, but I want them to hunger for God themselves and desire the sweetness of His precepts.
I was talking to my brother about this and how I’m so grateful that the Lord is showing me how this works in my oldest daughter’s life. At 16, she now makes many decisions on her own, weighing them against the principles of truth. From her clothing to her choice of movies, books and music, if she were not able to discern these things for herself at her age, I would consider that we had possibly not done our job.
If our relationship is right, we will move from a position of establishing boundaries for our young ones, to one of sought-after counsel and guidance as they get older. But the ultimate goal is to raise children who, more and more, are able to discern, with the Spirit’s help, what God’s will is.
We’re raising men and women. We are passing the baton and handing down our legacy of faith. It’s easy for us to forget the goal. It’s easy to keep them in our “safe place” and just continue making their decisions for them. But that’s not why we’ve been given children. Arrows were meant to fly and leave our hands. Let’s be preparing them all the time for the launch.
Gates of Hell
From At the Well:
“I am much afraid that schools will prove to be the gates of hell unless they diligently labor in explaining the Holy Scriptures, engraving them in the hearts of youth. I advise no one to place their child where the Scriptures do not reign paramount. Every institution in which men are not increasingly occupied with the Word of God must become corrupt.” Martin Luther, A.D. 1537
Martin Luther’s quote is direct, yet honest and full of truth. Since Luther was a lover of the Word of God, His thoughts were likely based on how he viewed the Bible to be the beginning of all knowledge and how we, as humans, are nothing apart from God. Therefore, he determined that we need spiritual teaching above all other academic instruction. Do we need to throw aside reading, writing and arithmetic? Of course not. Since the foundation determines the stability of all else that is built above, we must look at what the groundwork of our children’s education is, as well as what it should be. Without diligent instruction about our Creator God; without a true understanding of what He desires for our lives, True wisdom and knowledge will never be attained.
“The fear of the LORD is the beginning [first-fruits; principle thing] of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” Proverbs 1:7
What is the fear of God? The fear of God to the believer is completely different than the fear of God to an unbeliever. A Christian’s fear of God would be one of reverence and awe, rather than the unbeliever’s fear of a God that has the ability to cast their soul into hell.
Who are those who despise the wisdom and instruction? Proverbs 1:7 says that they are fools. When that verse is directly translated, it says that those who despise the Lord’s wisdom are “silly.”
So, those who do not desire the knowledge that God freely offers through His Word are silly. Do most parents want to send forth from their home silly young adults?
“The fear of the LORD is the beginning [commencement; opening] of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy is understanding.” Proverbs 9:10
We are told that the origination of true wisdom begins with a fear of God and that understanding comes from the knowledge of the Trinity (the Hebrew word for “Holy” is indicative of the trinity – God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit – three in one).
Through biblical instruction we teach our children how to fear and truly know the Lord and His desires for our lives. In doing so we are opening the doors to true wisdom and understanding. The Hebrew word for understanding in the above verse is ‘biyn’ and means: to be cunning, diligent, direct, discerning, eloquent, (to) inform, instruct, have intelligence, (to) know, look well to, perceive, be prudent, (can) skill (-fully) teach, think, (cause, make to, get, give, have) understanding, deal wisely). When you look at what one will gain from a fear and knowledge of God, what more would any parent long for in their child?
“In not mentioning God, my public school teachers preached a thundering message daily. By implication they taught that God is not relevant to most areas of life…with every lesson, in every class period, all day every day for 12 years I was being taught to think like an atheist in the academic realm and didn’t even know that I was being indoctrinated.” - Chris Schlect, Scriptural Worldview Thinking
Schools that have little or no emphasis on Biblical teachings and instruction are producing young adults who act only what they have retained from their years of academic instruction. Most times they only have access to what is immediately available to them in the recesses of their human minds.
On the other hand, young adults who were trained for their role in God’s Kingdom will possess an unspoken and spiritually-powerful wisdom from God. They will not only be able to rattle off their retained book knowledge, but they will also be able to think for themselves in light of Scripture. They will be able to apply Scriptural principles to daily life, as well as have access through the Holy Spirit to all they have ever studied in their scriptural instruction. John 14:26 speaks of how Jesus will send the Holy Spirit to not only teach us through God’s written Word, but also remind us of all we have learned. With that kind of understanding and access to the supernatural recollection of knowledge, what better education should be sought?
Do we want to raise children who blindly follow those who claim to have the answers to life’s problems, or do we want them to have an overflowing heavenly knowledge and discernment? Do we want them to be wise in the eyes of the world or do we want them to have the Wisdom of Solomon and to be considered well educated and wise in the eyes of God? Which is more valuable in the light of eternity? How will you instruct your children in the knowledge and understanding of God in light of these verses?
“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise.” Psalm 111:10
Bad Mom and Repentance
From At the Well:
“I am such a bad mom!”
As it has happened before–more times than I care to mention–I retreat from the chaos, hollering, and fighting into my bedroom, to give myself a time out.
“Father, I need your help. I’m not doing a very good job at this!” I am irritated and impatient. Quick to anger, abounding in selfishness, and not at all clothed with compassion or gentle understanding. I desperately want to be a good mom. Really, I do! I only have one problem. Sin.
I remember reading a book, before my husband and I had any children of our own, that claimed to be about how to raise kids to love Jesus. In the opening chapter of the book, the author made it clear that I had better deal with all of my problem areas, shortcomings, and sins before I ever considered having kids. If I didn’t, there was no way my children would follow God. I, the inveterate perfectionist that I am, panicked. If that was the case, there was no way that I could ever be a mom.
God, in His providence, helped me to put that book down. I never did finish reading it. I think many Christian moms cripple ourselves with perfectionism. We weigh ourselves down with a heavy burden, as though our children were saved by our works of righteousness.
How foolish we are to think this way! Lord, help us! The truth of the matter is that I am a bad mom. You are a bad mom. We’re all bad moms. The only solution to our problem is the Gospel.
“It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all.” 1 Timothy 1:15 (NASB)
And so we repent and believe. And repent. And believe. And repent and believe.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 (ESV)
I confess my sins before Him. My totally desperate state, completely incapable of being a good mom on my own.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5 (ESV)
“I thank you, Father, that I don’t need to mother these children you have given me by my own strength. Help me to mother them by your grace.”
“Children, I’m really sorry for losing my temper just a few minutes ago. It was wrong of me to yell at you all like that. Will you forgive me?”
My little ones look up with me, with a sweet trust in their wide, precious eyes that I know I don’t deserve.
“Yes, Mom, we forgive you.”
They throw their arms around me, like the prodigal mom come home, and I choke back the tears. No, my children do not have a perfect mom. What they have is a redeemed mom. A mom who needs the Savior just as much as they do.
Homeschooling Mothers Arise
A wonderful article from At the Well speaking to the life of Homeschooling moms:
Homeschool mothers relate to the feelings that come from drudgery. The days are long and tedious. The success that comes of the toil sometimes goes unseen for months, maybe even years. Our lives seem downright plain and ordinary. Our work goes unnoticed. Our existence remains unobserved. Life can become commonplace. Where do we go from here? How can we keep going from day to day?
Oswald Chambers said, “Drudgery is one of the finest touchstones of character.” A touchstone is defined as “a hard black stone, such as jasper, formerly used to test the quality of gold or silver by comparing the streak left on the stone by one of these metals with that of a standard alloy.” A touchstone is a gauge, which is used to test the quality of a precious metal in comparison to a commonplace metal. During our times of drudgery, do we want to show our character as being that of pure gold or as a mixture of commonplace metals? I would much rather present myself to Jesus as gold–experiencing the ordinary–rather than being ordinary.
The truth is, our feelings of inadequacy overpower us when we fail to see God’s handiwork in the smallest details of our everyday lives. We wait for God to show us the extraordinary thing for which we have been laboring. We look for Him to guide us to our pinnacle of success so that we can give Him the glory. We should be giving Him the glory throughout the mundane tasks that are before us each day. It is when we are in the valley, between the pinnacles of success, we see where we have been and how far He has led us.
Jesus stepped down from His heavenly domain and meekly washed His disciple’s feet. In turn, let us walk the path of humility that He has placed before us. We are not so admirable that we deserve the praiseworthy work rather than what Jesus has given us to accomplish. His plan is perfect and we must accept the plan, no matter how ordinary that plan may seem. Seeing the exceptional within the ordinary makes the mundane extraordinary.
Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the Glory of the Lord rises upon you. – Isaiah 60:1
The glory of God is upon you on the mountain tops of success and in the valleys of the commonplace. Take your place, accept your calling, place your feet firmly on the path, look toward the goal, and arise and shine!
Treasures in Heaven
From At The Well:
There are dirty little plastic dishes in my sink.
There are piles of half-folded laundry in my living room, and crumbs in my carpet, and broken crayons under my table.
There are stuffed animals, and mismatched socks, and little girl barrettes, and board books under my bed.
Some people’s baker’s racks are neatly adorned with hand-painted tea cups. Mine is piled high with children’s pencil drawings and water color creations on construction paper.
My office is filled with books I’ve been meaning to read and books I’ve been meaning to sell and papers I need to file and papers I need to throw away.
It’s after bedtime, but my washing machine is still busily agitating, in hopes that I might have clean diapers in the morning.
At least the wooden train set made it into it’s box–no one likes that kind of middle-of-the-night surprise on the bottom of their bare foot.
Yes. My house is filled with stuff. Messes. Clutter. Dare I say, chaos. Some days, I get the best of it. Most days, it gets the best of me.
I’ve been thinking a lot about stuff lately…wondering just how easy it would be for us to condense all our earthly possessions into a small U-Haul trailer if the LORD told us to go somewhere else…and I’ve realized what a powerful grip stuff still has on me.
I think about how much time I spend cleaning stuff, rearranging stuff, tripping over stuff, looking for lost stuff, and buying more stuff. How much time my husband spends working to pay for stuff.
And yet, if the world were really to come to an end, and Jesus were to return tonight, there are really only five things around here that matter much…
…five” things” that I can take with me…
…my husband, and my four precious children.
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Matthew 6:19-21
Christ may not return tonight, but He is coming.
“But the day of the Lord will come like a thief, and then the heavens will pass away with a roar, and the heavenly bodies will be burned up and dissolved, and the earth and the works that are done on it will be exposed.”
2 Peter 3:10
There is a far-worse middle-of-the-night surprise than stepping on wooden train pieces…
Am I living my life, each day, as though it were the very last day I had to teach my children to know, love, serve, and follow Him?
Am I?
Are you?
