Staying Attached to the Vine

I feel the pull, the long, slowly strengthening stretch of the devil pulling me from the Vine. Days are long, nights sometimes longer, and there is much demand and bustle through the days. The sun seems to stay long in the sky sometimes and others it sets too quickly and I know another day has slipped away...

He grows in strength as I ignore the pulling. It gives him satisfaction that I've avoided the struggle. It is only God's grace that keeps me attached to the Vine. He supernaturally holds me tight to His strengths supported by the roots of being God and having divine power over him, the smaller, weaker one. I often even avoid saying his name (the devil). It is His strength that keeps me strong for my own strength quivers under pressure and often lets go.

I forget to pray today for my children and my husband, one of my goals to forming a new habit this year and the seed of failure sets in. he (the devil) tells me I am not worthy, I'm too busy, and if I'm not perfect I must not deserve it, I can't do it.

He's been whispering that to me my whole life. Perfection deserves and failure, inconsistency, does not. I feel him pulling me from the Vine. He had Victory for a moment in regards to Colossians in a Year. I failed to memorize God's word. I tried and tried and I couldn't tuck it into my brain. What has come easily before slipped right out from under me. I would read and read and yet not retain. Slipping, slipping...

Imperfection...

It is easier to let it go and pretend I never tried then to try and fail. But, I realize the moment that matters in now.

Read
Read
Read
Learn
Meditate
Pray
Pray
Pray

Does it matter that I can't memorize or matter that I breath His word into my life? That He becomes the breaths I take...
I want to breath...breath YHWH
Hear Him breath words of Life into me
Feel Him near

Life doesn't seem to go nearly as well without Him near

So, I begin again. Praying for my children, praying for my husband, taking the time, breathing the breaths of life, speaking the words that build others up.
Prayer
And I read....read Colossians from the beginning. Start Anew
The moment is now...
new habits draw nearer...