One Thousand Gifts

In these last weeks, as our home has been solicited by change and what some and myself would consider financial upset, I feel and savor the Savior breathing on us. His hand has not left us nor forsaken us rather been guiding, teaching, stirring, and calling us to walk and serve with Him more.  All-the-more as my husbands schedule has been jolted by much time away and my calling is to now consider myself as a mother of 4 soon to be 5 at home alone for 3 days each week for what could be the next 12 long months.  I asked myself, "is not God walking with me?", "Why now, why this, solitary motherhood for so many days?". I can feel myself defeated under the darkness of Satan's voice within my striving to be Easter Heart.  The tears stir now just thinking about those lonely, hard, long days with him away.  And out of me, towards him, comes anger, not sadness. Vulnerability is not something I like to reveal. I'd rather disguise it under a blanket of anger and frustration.  But the truth behind the emotion is hurt and sadness. 

Yet, within these recent developments and moments of what I would describe as defeat, again I feel Christ's hand on us and His breath covering us in mercy and grace as we move foward with each day.  His light cast's out the darkness and I know there is Joy, Hope, Peace, Love, and Worship to be had in His presence.  I begin to try and fill my days with activities and disciplines that would remind us of His place in our Home that we might humble ourselves before His throne in order to be rejuvenated.  For it is not only that I suffers when he is away but my children are not the same.  They feel my weakness, see my tired eyes, and receive my defeat without me even knowing.  I have no intention of passing this on to them but rather to build them up, keep them busy, nourish them with love and discipline through Faith, and press on towards the goal.  But none-the-less they receive it and we all "suffer" some in his absence.

I am often rejuvenated by the light in their eyes, the love in their hearts and the comfort of holding them close to me.  At times to then be broken with their bickering, yelling, disappointment and obviously needy nature as they are small ones.  They cannot fill the hole in my heart or the tired in my eyes. Only Jesus. My savior.  Help me to find more Him. Help me to seek more of Him.  Help me to find each step to take in Him, so that I may fill them up, guide them correctly, love them unconditionally, and speak to them in Love.

God's mercies are new each morning.  His Love unconditional.  His forgiveness deep.  His encouragement satisfying.  Might I rest in it!  It is in my brokenness that he longs to create something beautiful.

The Path to Praising Jesus

121. Ultimate Rest
122. Quiet Moments to hear the Savior
123. His close presence
124. The Faithfulness of the Father
125. Broken hearts reformed to Love Him More
126. Forgiveness
127. Gentle, quiet mornings with open doors and smiling faces
128. Precious, growing children with whom I've been entrusted with their care
129. Growing Boys
130. Precious, snuggling, loving brown eyed girl
131. The stirring in the womb of God's true miracles
132. The broken in worship of the perfect One, made whole by His blood