One of the best recommendations I've been given this year has come from a friend at church. We switched churches this year and began attending a Family Integrated Church near our house. It has been a wonderful experience for us as we decipher God's calling in our lives as parents of a large family and the unique challenges and abundant blessings that come from that calling.
A seasoned mother in our church told me about a book. "Raising Godly Tomatoes" is the name and tomato staking is the heart of the book. Not real tomatoes but rather our children.
The author has so many wonderful passages about children, raising them, loving them, schooling them, loving them...yes I said it twice on purpose. She points out that disciplining them, rather raising them in a disciplined, loving, consistent home is quite a gift.
The children are the tomatoes...she compares them to a real one. Tomatoes grow better when staked, held close to the stake to be supported, rooted, healthy, strong...
Children are similar. They need to be close, nearby, influenced, talked with, encouraged, struggle snuffed quickly, strife resolved swiftly, love spoken often...
Children need to be staked to the mother, or the father. They learn best that way. When staked to the parent they are given tasks, taught methods, trained, and spend time learning and watching the parent to learn how to be a woman or a man. It truly is a beautiful picture.
The hope is to stake when necessary, when we see strife or rough behavior, but also to focus on each of them at a specific time that we may be intentional with each of them independently as well as together. I'm sure it will take some learning, some time...But the hope is to nurture their growth, plant seeds of hope and love for Christ, mature them into arrows, that their direction will be clear and concise.
“Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” – Galatians 6:7-9
Dear Mother, your little one’s hearts are gardens that need tending. Are you carefully cultivating the Word of God in their hearts, tilling with grace, watering with love, and warming with prayer? You can be sure that something will grow there. The question is, will it be the Word, or will it be weeds? --from At the Well
Tomato Staking
Influencing Your Husband
A Great Post from At The Well regarding the Positive Influence of a Woman:
Influence your husband. I recently read the book “Girls Gone Wise” by Mary Kassian, and wow! I was much more “wild” than I thought…not really in my actions, but in my heart, oh yes. When I got to chapter 18 of 20, I had already been made aware of my wildness, but yet I was reminded again. Here’s an introductory excerpt:
“The Lord created women with a unique relational bent. Therefore, women are powerful influencers – particularly in their relationships with men. How do we use this gift wisely? How can we make sure that we are influencing others in a positive way?”
I paused here. I pondered. Am I influencing my husband in a positive way? I continued…
“A wise woman knows that it’s not her words, but her behavior that carries the biggest clout when it comes to compelling change. The more Christlike you are, the more positive your influence will be. If you truly want to influence someone else for good, you won’t focus on changing his behavior. You’ll focus on changing your behavior. You’ll work at becoming more godly, and on interacting in a more godly way.”
Wow. So it’s not about our husband’s actions…but, it’s about our actions. It’s about a desire to change what we control, not control someone else. It’s about influencing by our life. I continued on further for practical application…
“A positive influencer is very wise and careful with her words. She wins others over “without a word.” She’s not a blabber, jabber, nagger, whiner, complainer, or yammerer. Nor does she use wiles, charms, smooth talk, or sweet talk to manipulate. She gives very little in the way of advice – so the little she says is extremely powerful and effective.
I don’t know about you, but this hits right at my heart. Many times in my interactions with my husband, I am not influencing him wisely, or positively, or effectively. It’s more of the blabbering, whining, charming kind of way…
When December Comes Toooo Fast
What is left are just the faint remnants of October and November and a few snaps of the camera to catch the fleeting moments. It seems we were just starting the school year, traveling through Egypt, learning about Moses and Noah and contemplating our sinful hearts...
Through the finger paint, coloring, field trips, math lessons, soccer, Karate, gymnastics, and exploring the human body... the days turned to minutes and we suddenly find ourselves into the holiday season.
The sparkling bows, Christmas trees, flashing lights, and joyful music now fills the air...
Promptly I felt badly for not being prepared, ready, equipped with my usual advent activities and ready to implant into their hearts, yet again, the True meaning of Christmas...
But, it was beyond my control, I couldn't back up, slow down, and prepare to be ready, I had to accept the moment...where I was sitting right that second.
I heard God whisper to me, "slow....slow down....the meaning can be found in the quiet."
In years past in my attempts to stir their hearts, build traditions, and impart a passion for Christ, I've noticed their boyish neglect of my efforts. They hear the stories, appreciate the moments together, but could never, at this stage, truly know the depth of my efforts or the cry of my heart.
Their boyish neglect or playful disregard at times affects my spirit...my idol is reveled and my desire to be the "perfect" mother trumps my ability to let the boys foolishness role...
So, this year, with the same intentions to draw them deeper, show them the true Light of Christmas, and stir passion in their hearts, we will SLOW...
Slow to pray...25 days of prayer...simple scriptures to sink deep in their hearts. Simple prayers that follow the Jesse Tree but without all the bustle of the tree itself.
Slow to self...25 days of praying for others...lifting up holiday needs for the ones we love.
Slow to truly follow Jesus...25 days of discussing Christs attributes.
True the slowing doesn't call for glitter, glue, scissors, or fancy trees, but rather quiet hearts. The training of the hearts of my man children to find the meaning in the quiet.
I pray as the countdown begins today that I too might find the moments to be still...to slow down...and be quiet...
To see again the True meaning to Christmas.
Walk with Him Wednesday
How do I calm the storms through the day enough to sing the Praises of the Lord?
For this question I lack an answer, a true, real, honest answer.
The voices of man child the Father gave to me, the laughter and the tears, filled with frustration and also frenzied joy...the volume is so loud at times I cannot overcome it with Praise.
My heart quietly sings it to Him when the moments are soft, as they are now, with blonde heads lay on pillows and brown pigtails softly wrapping her neck while she breathes deep...
Thank you Lord....breathing in and out as the rhythm is natural, given by God, written in His holy name, YHWH...Thank you Father...thank you...
If I could only be a reflection of constant Thanksgiving for my children, not subdued by the temptation to be exhausted or to curse the hard work laid before me...
But, rather to breathe Thanksgiving in ALL things....all things...
Each moment of opportunity to teach my children, to train them up...
To refuse the temptation to find it inconvenient, tiresome, exasperating...
Oh selfish me...longing to make myself god-like rather than to serve the True God...
Those moments with my children should feel and come to me like Gifts from the Father, to be snatched up and given Victory in Jesus as we carve their hearts and their spirits for Him...
For the carving is often done without the words but with the look and the tone and the unintentional communication from my heart to theirs...
Rather I long to live with Thanksgiving in my heart and a joyful smile on my face, even in the harsh moments of teaching and carving, which happens often, moment by moment, that the knife would never dull but rather miraculously, through God's grace continue carving...
That the noise and the business of raising five children would only lift my spirit to sing His praise for the gifts He gave cannot be measured by mere words but a state of being, a place of rest within me that I live in the moment of Thankfulness...
That I might breathe Grace....
Mercy...
Grace...YHWH...
Thank you Jesus for the blonde hairs upon their heads, ten fingers and toes, hearts that long to please, opportunities to seize, help me not to fail...to take the moment by the hand and guide it...
Toward You...
Thank you Lord...
Breathe Grace...
Then they too will Breathe Grace...
They too will echo my look, my tone, my communication, without the words...
They too will one day Breathe Thanksgiving...
My faith runs deep in so many things...I trust, obey, listen, petition...
In the thing God has given to me to do most abundantly, most routinely, most importantly, I lack the faith...
The faith to give Thanks because it requires Trust, Reliance, Vulnerability...
Why do I avoid vulnerability so...
To breathe grace upon those small faces, the future men, and the small, precious woman, in my life, would require to be vulnerable...to share saddness, disapointment, to let anger go and embrace the emotion behind it all...
My faith has a come to a curious end in this moment where I refuse to raise them in the light of God's rejoicing for ALL things and His abundant Grace and Mercy...
Father create in me a clean heart...
From Anne today:
"Our thanks to God is our witness to the goodness of God when Satan and all the world would sneer at us to recant."
"When I only give thanks for some things, aren’t I likely to miss giving God glory in most things?"
"Doesn’t God call His people to a non-discriminating response in all circumstances? “[G]iv[e] thanks always and for everything” (Ephesians 5:20 ESV)."
Preparing them to Launch...
A great little article from At the Well:
So this tiny, helpless baby is placed in your arms. You know the wonderful, overwhelming feeling of being totally responsible for this immortal human being. It’s like God handing you a blank canvas.
Your job is to raise this child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. That’s no little job! I believe that a parent’s primary responsibility is discipleship. When I think of Jesus’ example as he walked with and taught his followers, pointing them always to the Father, revealing truth to them in the daily events of life, I can’t help think that we owe the same to our children. It’s intense, time-consuming and worth every second.
This prayer that Jesus prayed for His disciples is full of wisdom we can glean:
“I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word….For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them….While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe…I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world….My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one….Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world…” From John 16 & 17
But, the ultimate purpose is to grow them up. From the minute they are born, we are teaching them the next thing, helping them become more and more independent. From holding their own cup to getting dressed on their own then learning to cook or cut firewood, it’s a constant movement toward maturity. And we are to be growing them up spiritually all the same.
I want to carefully guide my children “in the way they should go,” but I want them to pick up from God’s Word and make it their own. I want them to obey as I lead them to God, but I want them to hunger for God themselves and desire the sweetness of His precepts.
I was talking to my brother about this and how I’m so grateful that the Lord is showing me how this works in my oldest daughter’s life. At 16, she now makes many decisions on her own, weighing them against the principles of truth. From her clothing to her choice of movies, books and music, if she were not able to discern these things for herself at her age, I would consider that we had possibly not done our job.
If our relationship is right, we will move from a position of establishing boundaries for our young ones, to one of sought-after counsel and guidance as they get older. But the ultimate goal is to raise children who, more and more, are able to discern, with the Spirit’s help, what God’s will is.
We’re raising men and women. We are passing the baton and handing down our legacy of faith. It’s easy for us to forget the goal. It’s easy to keep them in our “safe place” and just continue making their decisions for them. But that’s not why we’ve been given children. Arrows were meant to fly and leave our hands. Let’s be preparing them all the time for the launch.
