We recently suffered the loss of our sixth pregnancy. We were beyond excited to be having number 6. God did many strange things this time. In the past I've slowed my nursing down, had 1 cycle and gotten pregnant with ease.
This time I had 3 full cycles before conceiving. I became impatient, which is ridiculous. Where is the trust, faith, joy, and peace in that. None the less I was feeling irritated with the change in status quo.
Then conception. I was so excited, the kids were excited...there was no lack of love for this tiny,knitted person growing in my womb.
On April 15th, just four days after the bleeding began, I passed the baby at home, in the quiet. After learning the heartbeat had stopped I cried quietly to myself as to not frighten the children. I processed what it meant. No baby on November 2 this year. No growing belly, baby kicks. There was grief that first day after finding out. Questions, disappointment, guilt...
Then as we waited for the baby to pass naturally there was much to consider and be thankful for. It was a reminder of how richly blessed we already are. And although we don't always understand why or to what end God allows things to happen, I do know He allows them so that we might be refined, given a chance to glow in the sadness with a richness that can only come from Him. There is Joy in the struggle and in this moment I hoped to reflect Him.
So, I think it is fitting to dedicate today's gift challenge to finding the JOY in the Sorrow.
301. 5 healthy, beautiful children
302. Blessings abundant that can only come from having children
303. Smoochy kisses from my 18 month old
304. A few more moments to enjoy an empty womb which allows for more time and attention on the 5.
305. A supportive husband who lovingly held me when my heart was sad and stayed home to be with me as we waited for the final passing.
306. The love and support from so many strong mommy women, showing their love and their grief in the loss with me.
307. Making the joy of someday having one more feel even more special
308. Deepening the Longing
309. Driving deep the conviction that children are a heritage
310. The reminder the God is in control
311. Remembering to breathe and trust in Him
312. Slowing down
I won't forget those moments with this little precious life. It is something many women experience, many whom do not already have 5 wonderful gifts, and many who are much further along than I was. The beauty in it is the depth in which it roots into your soul. It is something maybe only a mother or mother to be could explain and even then words will fall incredibly short. It's an unspoken love and a deep longing. I'm actually, now thankful for it. I pray to encourage and help others who will experience this as our lives move forward.
Gift Challenge-Joy in the Loss
Love for the Long Haul- One Thousand Gifts
I love my husband...
He stands tall for Christ...
Works hard for his family...
Battles the inevitable struggle between work and home with patience and a quiet spirit...
He loves greatly...
Serves honestly...
Often puts himself last...
Loves comes easy...whispers sweetly in the quiet moments we have together...
I trust him...give our life to him...
The long pause comes in the question as to whether or not he FEELS my love...
Do I show my love..
Consider him in the things I do...
Serve him the way I serve the children...
What do the quiet moments look like?
Respect is a word that is difficult to achieve...it seems for me. It comes easy when times are easy and is much harder when the trust must be deeper...the falling could be harder...the risk with the children graver...
Emotionally I feel love for him, supreme respect for the life he gives to us and the giving he does for us...showing him must take a higher priority.
I found a few wonderful things to consider from Focus on the Family:
- becoming better listeners;
- taking responsibility for our actions and feelings;
- avoiding blame;
- being more affectionate and considerate;
- becoming partners in parenting;
- respecting each other's differences;
- supporting each other in extended family conflicts;
- praying individually and as a couple;
- journaling feelings individually;
- placing a priority on time together;
- submitting to God as their authority;
- being proactive in keeping the Love Alive.
- Be Attentive
- Be Available
- Be Aware
- Be Appreciative
In an effort to express my thankfulness and the gifts that embody my husband that I might feel compelled to Show Him my LOVE and in turn sacrificially love Him.
Gifts--A Husband Who...
276. Washes Dishes
277. Night time bed routine with the kids
278. Daddy's night time stories
279. Playing Rough House even after a LONG day
280. Gives sweet, honest Compliments
281. Working hard and playing with us harder
282. Tender hugs (even if briefly)
283. Watches a show late into the night
284. Prepares Candled baths
285. Cleans up Dinner
286. has Flexibility
287. has Passion
288. Serves the King
289. Raises Arrows
290. Brews fresh tea
291. Loves his friends
292. Serves others
293. has Vision
294. Provides
295. is Trustworthy
296. is Loving
297. is Kind and Generous
298. is Sensitive yet Strong
299. Loves adventure
300. Loves New
The reality is the list could continue for some time. God has blessed me with an amazing partner even though I never deserved it. I am thankful for His love for me and our children is guiding me to the right spouse. I only hope to be a great partner, girlfriend, and love for him.
One Thousand Gifts-Treasured Friends
I'm so thankful for my treasured friends. Those friends whose trust has been built, times have been traveled and overcome, joys shared, tears shed, laughter belted and babies born...
Mothers whose path has been Called by God... traveled to honor Him. Wives, mothers, sisters...
I am so thankful for those friendships. Those role models in my life. The ones who encourage me, inspire me, show me a new way, and keep me drawn to Christ.
261. Sisterhood
262. Trusting Vulnerability
263. Being Genuine
264. Laughter over silly things
265. Memories
266. Motherhood
267. Inspiring Moments
268. Sharing Trials
269. Loving words
270. Faithfulness
271. Daughterhood of the King
272. Learning to be Wives
273. Sharing Joys of Marriage (and challenges)
274. Learning Lessons together
275. Traveling Life Together
Sounds of Summer Rising-One Thousand Gifts
The cold is warming, melting the bite of the early mornings and the heavy blankets covering the beds...Summer is fast approaching...
It brings a new life...a transition of heart...new sounds in the yard...splashing waters upon the ground from an overflowing pool...
As quickly as the summer comes, the children grow...there is hope in the changing of seasons, joy in the growth of babies...grace in the steady of God through it all...
Gifts
246. Warming Sun
247. Filling Pools
248. Crystal Clear Waters
249. Sun Kissed Baby Bodies
250. Squeals of laughter from the water
251. Warm Summer Mornings on the Patio
252. Riding bikes at night
253. Boys playing in the trees
254. Grass Stained Socks
255. Shedding the jeans
256. Tank Tops and Pontytails
257. Blankets in the grass
258. Brothers in warm beds
259. Sister in skirts
260. The kissing of God's creation
One Thousand Gifts-Reflecting on the Cross
I've felt uninspired. Somewhat lacking in anything I would consider elegant speech. Words are missing. I've been silent for a few weeks. The preparing of Easter & experiencing Lent seemed to leave me dry for words. The growing and tending to children in the hours of both day and night as my husband is away also making for a quiet spread.
I sometimes think to myself that I will stay up at night when the little voices are tired and laid to rest in their beds. Heads heavy on the pillow from a long day of playing...inside, outside, upside down!
Their laughter fills our home (at times their fighting too) and I look forward to the quiet moments in the dark that I have while my husband is away. Then the time comes and I'm too tired for words.
When the words come smoothly to my lips or should I say my fingertips I joyfully spill them out onto this blank white canvas. When I struggle to find them I resist, holding back from exploring the struggle. I tend to wait for it to pass.
God knows me. He knows of my inability to fake inspiration. He knows I will sit quiet. I think He calls me to this quiet or at the least uses it to Glorify Him. He calls me to the periods of time away from this blank page and to the tending of more significant things.
My husband has been spending many hours away from home, working diligently to provide for us. This causes me to focus in on those things that are most important when he is home. Time with us, me the kids, time to rest (which he would say comes last!), church fellowship, friends, reflecting on God's gifts to us. There is much to do when a man spends many hours away from home. It draws a sort of silence upon the things that aren't as important.
I didn't ask him to get out Easter decorations this year like I would have in the past. I tried to reconcile that Easter isn't in the decorations but in the Person. My husband, without suggestion, put on and watched with the littles an Easter Bible Story movie. The Resurrection means a lot to them. At just their small ages they KNOW Jesus rising from the dead is the most important part of the story.They follow without question. They see no reason to require proof, ask unanswerable questions, wrap their minds around the "magic" of it all. They simply follow Him and Love Him. To have a faith like a child...
I had planned to do a Passover meal with them. Bought a beautiful plate, cup, and platter set from DaySpring.com. Then, as the day approached I felt the Lord quiet me again. There is much time as they grow to experience all the significance of Easter. It will come again. This year just be WITH them...
My longing to establish traditions was trumped this year with silence and quiet.
We did spend some time, while daddy was here, reading the Trail to the Tree provided by Ann, discussing how Adam and Eve's sin caused the need for Christ to die. They listened long and thought deeply of His Love.
I normally would be so uncomfortable with not finishing the Trail to the Tree. I like to start and finish something. I feel wrong when we don't or can't. But this time I again felt God soothe my heart. It's okay. It's about me...
Today is Monday and on Monday we consider God's blessings...His gifts in our life. Mine are abundant...and He is here...it is about Him.
GIFTS:
236. Quiet moments to draw in Grace
237. The trail to the tree (and the learning that happens each season with it)
238. Sunny days, not too hot, with running little feet on the pavement
239. Seasons (things come and go and with it bring God's will)
240. Nail scarred hands
241. Christ doing what He said He would do, those thing prophesied long ago
242. The learning in the quiet
243. Lacking-Inspiration giving way to new things
244. Strawberries and red stains on little fingers
245. Light dispelling the dark
The Light
Zoomed into the canvas the son lingers on the personal expression of His masterpiece. He spoke it into existence, wove it together with His mighty hands, delicately placed it into position upon the Earth, calling all things perfectly to exist around it so it might reflect His beauty as it grows and flourishes. It is not by mistake nor coincidence that this living thing resides in the place that nourishes it best. That the light, temperature, rainfall, and seasons give way to its growth and beauty in a way it could not elsewhere on the planet is no accident. It has been placed here, now, in this way, under this light, in these temperatures in order that it might grow.
Am I too, made in God's image, further delicately placed here? Knit, formed, called, and found here and now that I might too be a reflection of His masterpiece. That the Son would linger on me, that His light would cast off my life onto the Earth around me.
Slowly panning outward we see that this perfectly placed green is not alone. He is accompanied by many others, too woven, placed, and called to do something specific for the world. To give oxygen and life to our planet. Without them all we would fail to survive. The light penetrates to the heart of this crowded place and allows all things to grow and flourish together. We are singularly important, created, named but none of us without the necessity of the others. When called to do His bidding we work together as one. We have the ability to give life and breath to those around us.
From God's expansive, stretching perspective the light casts down into the creation, exposing it's beauty, and drawing out life, breath, and awe. He says, "it's good".
Good
Good
Just a simple word and I want to live up to the expectation. I desire to be the leaf in the midst of the many, coming together, creating the Awe that God calls good. To bring forth life, reflect the Son, and be called Good. Just a single glance at this place and one cannot deny its incredibly complex design and its ultimate reflection of the Creator.
If I am placed here, now, amidst these others, called in this time, to His glory, to be called Good, and be a voice for the Son, causing others to say "awe" in His beauty....I surrender to the calling. I lay my life before Him that those who love Him would be the breath for those who do not. I am singularly important, designed special, but not without the need of those around me. Might we all give breath to the truth.
Gifts:
Multitude Monday
The fog is lifting in my quest to homeschool my children which before now was somewhat bogged down by the lack of clarity regarding which direction we would go and how it would all work. My oldest being only five turning 6 this summer I know the future holds much change, improvisation, and compromise; kinks we will certainly smooth as we go, I'm sure. Right?
My comfort zone lies in having a plan, a footprint to follow, and something tangible I can put my hands upon. I must often be reminded to the fact that life is not so perfectly drawn upon the canvas. It has curves, edges, texture, contrast and a unique blend of all things beautiful. Although I wouldn't often call them beautiful. But, that is why I am here.
Multitude Monday. To remember the gifts God has given to me. The blessings I cannot always see. The epic change that is our life, both here on Earth and the one we live with Christ. Growth, change, forming, molding, turning, and beginning anew...much like the life as a homeschooler I ought to plan to have.
I'm encouraged to be starting this journey with a dear friend. Someone I cherish, whose love for her children seems to sometimes pales mine in comparison (simply because I am so hard on myself). A gift. She is a gift to me, an encourager and confidant. I pray we might find our way, God's path for our little ones, that His love be our guide and our compass and His salvation the end to all our means.
So, I resolve, perfection is not possible no matter how hard I might attempt to plan, prepare, and train myself to be a homeschooling mother. Rather, I find joy and hope in the grace, mercy and flexibility of our Lord as Justin and I venture to put into place Deut. 6 with our home and bring our children up unto Him.
You still might find me planning, preparing, and organizing this adventure, but I rest in knowing all is well with my Soul no matter how the road turns.
GIFTS
201. Sisters in Christ to travel the sometimes weary road
202. Afternoon visits sharing hopes, dreams and joys
203. Long naps with the little one tucked beneath my arm
204. Training children to love God and obey parents
205. Quiet nights alone with Daddy
206. Mothers of boys to encourage the hearts of moms
207. Crisp winter morning, seldom seen here in Phoenix
208. Finding the purple between the Pink and the Blue (Love and Respect)
209. Two year old prayers, tucked between sheets, words too young to fully hear
210. Boys pretend playing
211. Planning and the grace that comes when plans change
212. Starting fresh
213. His mercies New each morning
214. Powerful effects of prayers, lifted high
215. 100 days to forming a new habit
216. And always working, bending, and building daddy
217. Finding something lost
Creation and its blessings
I sit quietly in a class about Creation. The Lords greatest blessing. The birth of the Earth. I ponder the magnitude, beauty and perfection of this place as the Lord spun and spoke it into existence with but a breath. I sit and nurse my 7 week old newborn boy while I fill my heart with thoughts of God's GREAT love for us and the perfection that is His Holy Word. It spills onto the pages of my Bible, the beauty that is our world, His plan, will, and ultimately Glory. I can't put words to the feelings stirred as I imagine Day 6, Adam and Eve. He made them. Him from dust and of his breath and her from Him. I think of God laboring to create Adam. Not laboring in His inability to do so but rather His passion to do so.
I contemplate the way we labor to bring life into the world now, as God's creation. The squeezing, the tightening, the breathing, and the drawing near of its completion. I breathe one last breath and as they descend I give them a name and call them "GOOD". Instantly the moaning stops and the JOY begins.
God with his hands, drawing up the dust, forming it, breathing life into it, calling it by name, and the drawing near of its completion. GOOD He says. The beginning of man. The perfection of the creation; all that is contained within it.
Ann too quotes this passage today:
“The letters of the name of God in Hebrew… are infrequently pronounced Yahweh. But in truth they are inutterable….With His breath, just as His name utters, we were called into being. Given an eternal purpose and brought back into reconciliation with Him through His Son, breathed into the world that night as an infant as He is often called "the Breath of Heaven". I think if Mary and quote Ann as she calls women "pray-ers and deep breath-ers and life-knitters, the mothers and laborers and lovers." Mary fulfilling the prophecy and breathing into existence the Son of God. What a wonder.
This word {YHWY} is the sound of breathing.
The holiest name in the world, the Name of Creator, is the sound of your own breathing. That these letters are unpronounceable is no accident. Just as it is no accident that they are also the root letters of the Hebrew verb ‘to be’… God’s name is name of Being itself.”
~Rabbi Lawrence Kushner
I'm moved to think about Creation and to do so as a daughter of God. A women who also labors, prays, and knits life into being for Him. Raising an Army of boys, arrows of truth, and 1 precious Woman Warrior and sister in the life knitting business. The creation that began it all and the creation that has kept it spinning, growing, breathing. It is Gods creation that stirs passion.
Blessings
191. Breathing
192. Cool Crisp air to encourage and spring life
193. Each new day as created by God "YOM"
194. A deeper understanding of Creation and a Young Earth
195. The inspiration of 6 days
196. The reminder of Gods creation in the birthing
197. Called and given a name
198. Drawing on Gods powerful hands
199. Marveling the Earth and its beauty
200. Baby Steps...slowly praising God until I get to 1000
One Thousand Gifts
Christmas ought to be a time in which we are reminded of all the blessings we have and recognize our richly cared for we truly are by our Savior Jesus. That He would come as a babe, naked and innocent into a broken and confused world so desperately in need of Him. That scripture, breathed by God, so long ago was fulfilled with every moment of his arrival. How can one deny the perfection of Jesus birth? To deny his deity and His son ship is to deny His sacrifice and its eternal significance. I pray we might not ever take this holiday season for granted but rather use every moment to reflect and remember how miraculous that day truly was and how necessary His entrance into the world had become, from the moment the apple was bitten.
I recently attended a class on the Jewish Roots of Christianity. I learned so many things about the OT and the pictures God painted of the coming sacrifice. That from the beginning God foreknew and predestined His son to be the bridge that would gap our separation from the Father. All the planning and patience it took for God to construct this flawless image of Christ through OT scripture. That He called the Jewish people, Israel, to salvation because of His great love for them. Then to only have them deny Christ as the Savior opening the door for Gentiles, like me, like us, to be saved and enter in God's Kingdom. This child, born by night, in a manger to a young mother full of faith and a father full of humility, would be the Hope of the World.
The blessings through this can hardly be counted. I only pray that as my children grow and I grow with them in my knowledge and appreciation for Jesus in my life that we might not belittle Christmas for the sake of commercialism but rather cherish and savor the message of Christ starting with his lowly birth!
Blessings
176. Virgin Birth of a naked and flawless babe
177. Flickering candles by night
178. CHRISTmas hits on the radio reminding us in song of our saviors glow
179. CHRISTmas books to be read by night and a daddy that richly loves
180. Godly women striving to provide CHRISTmas printables, crafts and fun for the kids to enjoy over the holiday
181. Interwebbing late at night to find just the right gift to make my children smile
182. Random talks of CHRISTmas with the littles that they might further understand Jesus
183. Encouraging words from other on blogs, words written in the quiet, just for me that I might see Jesus myself in the holiday
184. Spoken verses of God's words reminding us how Alive He truly is
185. Prayers prayed at the dinner table
186. Counting down the days till GLEE is squealed in delight on Christmas Morn
187. Brothers and a sister blessing each other with a gift chosen for the other
188. Cold nights under warm covers next to the daddy that gives and gives
189. Slowing down because we are sick with sweats and chills
190. Little baby feet and hands on a Christmas morning just like those of Jesus, oh how Mary must have felt to hold that angel boy
One Thousand Gifts
Thankfulness. Still after all these months of praising the Lord for the blessings in my life, I find that I often struggle with keeping a positive perspective. Why is that? Why am I so stubborn? It reveals to me the depth of the innate darkness that can fill my heart if I am not daily seeking, praying, meditating and breathing in His power and might.
I must think I know something or experience something no one else does in order to preserve my pessimistic attitude. How else can I justify my flawed view of life under God's Grace?
I find it creeps up during the day as the kids get difficult, or when I become aware that my husband might be late, or When I am wiping up the floor for the 15th time that day after someone spills milk, or water, or juice. I suddenly lose the ability to see my life through a positive perspective, forget I live in a free country, never mind that I can praise my Lord without question, and that happiness is something we enjoy just by living when it comes to a comparison between the US and other countries, or heck my life compared to someone down the street. Yet, my attitude stinks over the small stuff. I become complacent regarding the true joys in my life and the abundant blessings God has bestowed, even in my sinfulness.
My hearts longing is that I would find the path to be joyful even amidst the hardest parts of each day, to rise with peace, to move through time with my children with joy and let the difficult or challenging parts of my day roll off without mention, to take them in stride and view them in light of God's amazing Grace.
When I take even just a moment to reflect upon life and its journey through this Grace filled lens I see how absolutely, wonderfully blessed we are and that my challenges and struggles are light in comparison to much greater needs and worries in the world. Then I consider that in order for my children to attain such a Grace filled perspective I must reflect it to them or they also will grow with the understanding that life, when challenging is not positive, which is so far from the case. I must model for them the ability to PRAISE God at all times, to see His GLORY in light of all circumstances and to ALWAYS have a heart of praise.
Lord, create in me a clean heart, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Lead me beside still waters and show me, daily the path to your righteousness so that I might find peace and joy in you. Keep my eyes looking upward for my happiness rather than around me so that I can overlook the hardships of each day. Give me your eyes to see and your ears to hear. Thank you Father for your unending, unconditional Love!
Amen
Blessings
161. Fall weather which inspires the holiday spirit
162. Cool mornings, the smell of dew in the air
163. My precious daughters instant "hi mommy" when she wakes from sleep
164. Good friends who share God's truth
165. God's perfect, flawless and inspired word
166. Scripture's amazing ability to explain itself without error
167. God's unending promises
168. The smell of pancakes on Saturday morning
169. A husband and daddy coming home after several nights away
170. The joy our children share with one another when excited
171. 3 big brothers saying goodnight to little sister with kisses and hugs
172. The movement of little brother as he's almost finished forming and preparing for birth
173. God's perfecting Timing
174. Sunsets in Arizona
175. Fresh fallen rain
One Thousand Gifts
Of all the days to express Thanks to the Father for his Blessings and bask in the unmistakable Grace and Mercy He shows me daily. It started rough, with much ado about getting dressed, wearing shoes, putting on socks, and taking a trip to the grocery store, which is so necessary from time to time! My patience already short before even approaching the sliding doors at the store. Stern warnings extended to small boys encouraging them to obey, listen, stay close, and speak softly (whispers not often accomplished from the excited mouth of babes). I quickly prayed and asked God to help me find peace and patience while trying to glide quickly through the store with 4 small angels at my side.
It wasn't long before I could tell it wasn't going to go well. Maybe those around me might think these babes do well in the store but from my point of view as their mother I knew they were testing every limit set before them. A warning to keep hands to selves, a request to speak softly, a remark to stay still while I bagged some red, delicious apples for them. Isn't it All for THEM?! And yet, I find that my 36 week pregnant body, my inability to truly bend over and discuss softly into their ear, and their attempt to find my weakness exhausts me to the core.
And yet, I am reminded, I ought not to expect anything else from them. As I have recently read, yet again, from Ted Tripp "Shepherding a Child's Heart" they are sinners in need of the same savior I seek daily and request assistance from to keep my sinful heart at bay. They will always need re-direction, they will always seek to test the limit, they will always hear the sterness from my voice and initially reject the limits set before them. It is in their very nature to defy authority. And, yet what a huge responsibility I have before me to teach them obedience to myself and their dad while reflecting the obedience I am commanded to God, out of love, that they too might learn to obey God. For it is not their obedience to me that is the end, rather the means to the end which is a LOVE and PASSION for Christ and to serve and obey God. I am only the model in which God uses to teach.
But, even with knowing this truth and seeking to teach them this obedience, passion and love to Christ, I am daily exhausted at times, moments of weakness, a paling of the Joy I ought to find in my task to raise Christ-fearing children.
In this broken moment I find how perfect God's love is. How He never loses patience, fails to encourage, rises in Unholy anger and I often could although my desire is the opposite. He beckons me to the cross, makes well my weakness and upholds me when I cannot go another step. He humbles himself to wash my feet as I sit with tired legs unwilling to move. He refreshes my very day.
Counting Blessings
140. The sweetness in my boys even when they are naughty
141. Their innocence to the need for Christ
142. The laughter they exude even in high volumnes
143. Christ's passion for a mother's ministry
144. Brotherhood among them
145. Learning opportunities (mostly for me)
146. Daily embedding of Christ into their hearts
147. The memorization of God's word
148. The purity of their passion
149. God's unfailing faithfulness
150. Rest (which can only be found in Jesus)
151. Holding her petite frame and pressing my face to her face
152. Blue eyes of a blonde haired boy smiling on moments after discipline
153. Reading books about our Savior and seeing them know Him even now
154. Hearing them sings praises in the car as we go about life together
155. Their squeals as the worker man comes through the door
156. The LIFE daddy brings to our home (as God designed it to be)
157. Moments with Jesus in the glimpses of quiet
158. My heart broken so that it might Grow
159. A warm dinner and candles lit with little faces peering at them
160. The land of the Free
One Thousand Gifts
This morning I started my new book, "31 Days of Praise" by Ruth Myers. I didn't know what to expect. I had seen it recommended on Voddie's blog several weeks ago. I decided to go ahead and order it because it sounded so much like what I was already on the path of doing inspired by Ann.
I stole a few quiet moments this morning in the time between breakfast and play with my children. We were expecting guests so I had to plan accordingly. Here are my thoughts and my prayers, as led by Ruth, through Christ's endless love and faithfulness.
... give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
~ 1 Thess. 5:18
My Lord thank you for reminding me each day of your unfailing Love, faithfulness, and complete and perfect nature. I often forget and limit you to those limitations we have as created beings and forget to worship you as the Creator. For you are the Alpha and Omega, always God from the beginning to the end. How could I ever imagine putting my hope in anything other than You? Why do I allow myself to be deceived by the enemy into thinking that I or he, or someone else has anything over You, the Lord God, who loves and comes to us, to be near to us, hold us, and comfort us at all times. May I not be confused by my insufficient mind concerning your Glory, Deity, Love, Longsuffering, and Faithfulness to us as we find our way back to your heart.
God's Glorious Gifts as our Creator and King:
Psalm 27:5; 91:1-2; Matthew 6:25-26; Psalm 23:1-2 Isaiah 62:5b; Zephaniah 3:17-18; Psalm 16:5-6; 107:9
132. Strong Shelter
133. Hiding Place
134. Loving Provider
135. Shepherd who guides and protects
136. My Champion who upholds my cause as His child and defends my highest interests
137. Bridegroom who delights in me
138. My God who is Mighty to Save; who rests in His love for me and rejoices over me with singing and shouts of joy.
139. My inheritance, my share in life, the One who satisfies my longing soul and fills my hungry soul with goodness.
Reasons for Praise: Psalm 57:2; 138:8; 86:5; 103:8; Matthew 22:37; Jeremiah 32:41; Psalm 37:4; 36:7; 63:7
His love
His Wisdom
Acting on my behalf and accomplishing what concerns me and fulfilling your purpose for me as I call on you.
Your deep love
Your Compassion and Grace
Lovingkindness
Forgiveness, patiently considerate and generous
His desire for my love
His Delight in my heart as I delight myself in you
For my friends who may not know Jesus or have been led astray to follow another Jesus clothed in a liars cloth to appear like the King Most High, I beg of you to know Him and our Lord God as the Word teaches Him to be (the Bible). Seek for Him and you will find Him. Call out to Him and He will reveal Himself to you. With a sincere Heart strive to find Him among the lies of the world and religion. For you cannot be saved of your own power or will but only by the blood of Christ. He came to fulfill the law that we might be satisfied in Him. He goes to prepare a place for us and I hope to see you there when He calls us home.
One Thousand Gifts
In these last weeks, as our home has been solicited by change and what some and myself would consider financial upset, I feel and savor the Savior breathing on us. His hand has not left us nor forsaken us rather been guiding, teaching, stirring, and calling us to walk and serve with Him more. All-the-more as my husbands schedule has been jolted by much time away and my calling is to now consider myself as a mother of 4 soon to be 5 at home alone for 3 days each week for what could be the next 12 long months. I asked myself, "is not God walking with me?", "Why now, why this, solitary motherhood for so many days?". I can feel myself defeated under the darkness of Satan's voice within my striving to be Easter Heart. The tears stir now just thinking about those lonely, hard, long days with him away. And out of me, towards him, comes anger, not sadness. Vulnerability is not something I like to reveal. I'd rather disguise it under a blanket of anger and frustration. But the truth behind the emotion is hurt and sadness.
Yet, within these recent developments and moments of what I would describe as defeat, again I feel Christ's hand on us and His breath covering us in mercy and grace as we move foward with each day. His light cast's out the darkness and I know there is Joy, Hope, Peace, Love, and Worship to be had in His presence. I begin to try and fill my days with activities and disciplines that would remind us of His place in our Home that we might humble ourselves before His throne in order to be rejuvenated. For it is not only that I suffers when he is away but my children are not the same. They feel my weakness, see my tired eyes, and receive my defeat without me even knowing. I have no intention of passing this on to them but rather to build them up, keep them busy, nourish them with love and discipline through Faith, and press on towards the goal. But none-the-less they receive it and we all "suffer" some in his absence.
I am often rejuvenated by the light in their eyes, the love in their hearts and the comfort of holding them close to me. At times to then be broken with their bickering, yelling, disappointment and obviously needy nature as they are small ones. They cannot fill the hole in my heart or the tired in my eyes. Only Jesus. My savior. Help me to find more Him. Help me to seek more of Him. Help me to find each step to take in Him, so that I may fill them up, guide them correctly, love them unconditionally, and speak to them in Love.
God's mercies are new each morning. His Love unconditional. His forgiveness deep. His encouragement satisfying. Might I rest in it! It is in my brokenness that he longs to create something beautiful.
The Path to Praising Jesus
121. Ultimate Rest
122. Quiet Moments to hear the Savior
123. His close presence
124. The Faithfulness of the Father
125. Broken hearts reformed to Love Him More
126. Forgiveness
127. Gentle, quiet mornings with open doors and smiling faces
128. Precious, growing children with whom I've been entrusted with their care
129. Growing Boys
130. Precious, snuggling, loving brown eyed girl
131. The stirring in the womb of God's true miracles
132. The broken in worship of the perfect One, made whole by His blood
Blessings from My Father
Holy Experience has challenged me in ways I cannot explain. As I read Ann's words I come to my knees. I feel she is speaking into life My HEART. On Wednesday she wrote this telling piece:
Too often, sadly, I want product, others to see product, so they can see: I have worth. Stinking idols.
This, I think this is why I struggle to stop to pray at fixed times throughout the run of a day. This is why I struggle to play and love and make kids memories and laughter the priority. If I stop doing, will I have merit? Will I still exist if I stop the producing?
How do I forget that I actually exist more, fully, wholly, when I do that which I was made for?The things done in love, this the only work in our lives that will last forever.
So Abba Paul knew. The product is secondary…. Perhaps even pointless. It’s the prayers, the relationship, the love while doing the work, that hold the meaning, the merit. I have time to read another chapter, tell another story, make another batch of cookies because the process of prayer and love in our work is our only real product.
That process may not be seen when walking in the back door. Worship. Communion. Love. Prayer, hidden and intangible, it is the day’s true product, it’s ultimate purpose.
I'll whisper the mantra that orders all priorities:
..go straight to God... After all, he's famous for great and unexpected acts; there's no end to his surprises.
One Thousand Gifts
After 4 long months away I'm finally back and ready to settle into the routine of blogging again. There has been much going on and we've stayed very busy and as I look back on it I realize I've simply napped through my blogging hours! There was the morning sickness and the early aches of being pregnant while having 4 children. Then vacations and events with the kids including a trip to Sacramento for the Easter Holiday. Suddenly here we are 4 months ahead in the middle of what seems to be a scorching summer heat here in Phoenix, Arizona and the days and months are flying by.
I don't want the speed of life to keep me from taking time out to reflect on my Lord, my Loves, and the One whom I'm doing it all for. Although it seems to easily wisk me away. That is in fact why I started this blog.
So, I'm back and hoping today begins a new beginning to taking time out to Honor Christ and what He is doing in our lives. After all, He is daily providing, loving, soothing, planning, and preparing our lives.
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I have many thoughts in my mind today as I begin my journey here at Taking the Challenge again. Over the past 4 months God has revealed himself to us daily and we've undergone quite a few changes. He has reminded of us of His always faithful provision even when things may appear hopeless and covered us in His love.
On our way home from California in early April our "new to us" conversion van broke down just 80 miles outside Phoenix. We could literally see the lights from the city taunting us in the dark from the side of the highway. After much ado and lots of time in the shop our van needed a completely new motor. This as you can imagine, is quite expensive but entirely necessary. So we took what was almost half of our savings to fix our "new to us" van. Only the quiet whispering from God that I managed to hear through the noise and laughter that is our children did we decide to hold on to our old van until we were sure the "new to us" van was properly working. So, fortunately for us we had another vehicle to drive while our "new to us" van was being fixed.
Blessings number 1. It took nearly a month to get our "new to us" van back from the shop. All that time we were able to continue on with life and activities in our old van. Praise God right.
Well no sooner had we picked up the "new to us" van, made a stop at the baby ultrasound shop to see that we were in fact having another Little Precious BOY, did the "new to us" van break down again. My heart sank. We had taken such a hit with the cost of replacing the motor I was just praying this break down was a simple problem.
I was in fact wrong. The Transmission was gone and irreplaceable. We would again have to tap into the rest of our savings to fix the "new to us" van in order to get it into running order.
Blessings number 2. We had savings left! This might seem funny but we are thankful we could even afford to do the repairs necessary on the van so that it was not an entire loss.
This put us in an extremely vulnerable state financially. A place we hadn't been in a very, very long time. It has been years since we've had absolutely no savings to speak of. I began praying again that God would protect us from further expenses and show us the path to gaining ground.
If it wasn't the very next day that our Air Conditioner went out. Not out like needed to be fixed but needing to be replaced completely. Could the timing be any more challenging.
In trying to make a long story short, there have been several more instances over the past months in which we have seen God's provision in remarkable ways as we've endured much hardship. It has been challenging to struggle financially as we have never struggled before and to also realize that it was not our savings that was keeping us from emergency but rather our Hope is in Christ and His ultimate provision in our time of need. I confess that I had much confidence placed in our emergency fund that should have been solely in Christ alone and His plan for our growing family.
We have been forced to our knees, seeking God's will and plan, prayerfully and mindfully aware of our spending and our habits, and seeking to honor Him with our time, funds, and family. There is still so much to be thankful for!
91. Steady and secure employment
92. A God that sees and hears all things related to our lives
93. His Love that stirs us
94. The children He has entrusted to us that we might teach them His faithfulness
95. Prayer
96. Hope
97. Grace and Mercy
98. Tomorrow
99. New Beginnings
100. Being Humbled by the Work of God in our lives and reminded that comfort can easily lead to complacency. Oh to have a heart filled with JOY in all circumstances of life that we might not take even a second for granted.
101. Finding our purpose at the Cross
102. Glorifying Christ with all He gives us even when it might be little.
103. Stewardship
104. His Word
105. Victory in Jesus
Father thank you for helping me come face to face with the reality that YOU are ALL we NEED and through you we can do ALL THINGS. Continue to remind me daily that this world does not dictate blessings, abundance, and status but that YOU ALONE have determined our value, placement in the World and Daily pour out your blessings of Mercy and Grace upon us. That every breath is a gift from you. Help me to teach my children that it is not things, money, savings, travel, or the other items our culture has determined of value that make our lives JOYFUL and WONDERFUL. That Father YOU are our purpose. Help us to wage the battle against the evil one, against modern culture, against paganism, and relativism that we might change the world for YOU.
One Thousand Gifts-An Easter Prepared Heart
I read the most amazing line this morning from Ann and wanted to share it with you and that is also might set the tone for the blessings we ponder this week.
"The donkey carried her swollen frame into the house of bread, to birth The Bread our souls were starved for, and again, a donkey carried His willing body triumphant into the house of God, to bleed the perfect Lamb that all our sin stain ached for. The backs of the humble carry God."
The pictures her words paint in my heart and my mind are vivid and real. Only an image our True God could create in the minds of those He created in His image. For so long ago, so many years before my mind could even fathom what Mary would look like riding upon the donkey in that time, in that place, in that glorious humble moment yet still somehow, God allows my heart and my mind's eye to see Christ, so beautiful and radiant.
She reminds us in her Monday's blessings that the wine comes from the compression. That the sweetest victory came from Christ's crushing, that our most glorious reunion with God came from His most valuable sacrifice. Meditating over what this means and how to teach my children about the God that gave it all for them that they would live with Him...
The Path to the Cross
81. How rugged was and is the path to the Cross
82. Reunion with our maker and our heavenly Father
83. To bear fruit for Him that shed drops from His veins
84. To drink of the cup and remember
85. To break the bread to remember the Bread that was given to us in our desperation
86. To pray the prayer our hearts long to bellow to Him
87. Feeling to deeply the thorns in his head
88. Aching yet rejoicing as his Side was pierced as prophesied so many years before
89. An unchanging and unfallable God
90. Jesus
One Thousand Gifts
I know today is Tuesday but in my head it is Monday because we went on a mini vacation this weekend. My husband went back to work today (and not just to work but to work for 3 days) so it feels like Monday. I would normally let this week pass because I missed Monday but I've told myself I've got to stop making it about the days and just recognize Christ in Praise.
This is an especially joyous week to praise our God because He has chosen to Bless us with another Child! We are expecting baby #5!
61. Perfect Timing for all things in His plan
62. Rediscovering Baby Bliss in the quiet of the night
63. Loving, happy children and a home filled with noise
64. Warm Naps with my oldest beside me
65. The sparkle in his blue eyes
66. A dedicated and hard working husband
67. Quiet and Stillness amidst the LOUD
68. Remarkable friends to travel with
69. The Miracle of conceiving a baby, miraculous every time!
70. Sunny winter days filled with God's energy coming from the Sun
71. Hard Work and rough hands
72. Green, green grass
73. My children giving each other hugs
74. Girlie Kisses
75. Blue eyed brothers
76. God's peace
77. Healthy Bodies
78. Quiet Mornings
79. Spring on the Horizon
80. Date night with the hubs
One Thousand Gifts
This week started with such blessing. My husbands parents are here for a brief visit which allows for each of his brothers and their families to get together to visit, which allows the cousins to also play and have some fun together. Today my dearest friend bore her 5th, precious son into the world in the early morning hours. In the stillness I was able to be with her and encourage her with prayers while she labored to bring her son into the world. (I did have to return to my own children before she was able to give birth, but feel blessed to have been with her during the labor pains.) It reminded me how wonderful and awesome our God is. From a simple act of love between my friend and her husband this child gained life and that life was nourished by her life until God's chosen day of his birth. What an awesome miracle.
One Thousand Gifts
51. Newborn Baby Smell
52. Salvation through Childbearing
53. Motherhood
54. Raising boys
55. Raising a sweet daughter
56. The miracle of creating a Life
57. The responsibilty of turning that life towards God
58. Covering that life in prayer
59. Tiny hands
60. Skin to Skin
One Thousand Gifts
I have so, so, so much to thankful for and so many weeks now of pondering and meditating upon God's blessings that I have not posted about recently. Monday's have been challenging to pull it together and post and I tend to tell myself I will catch up next week. Well this won't cut it anymore. I need to be posting about God's blessings all the time and linking up to Ann's website on Mondays with my most recent post. There are too many blessings (although I tend to post them in smaller doses) to only post on Mondays.
31. Homemade Soup
32. Little Helping Hands that are Quick to Learn and Grow
33. Bedtime talks about the day
34. The sound of little boys playing pretend in the backyard
35. Glimpses of Spring that keep the cold at bay
36. God's faithful provision over our finances
37. Using God's gifted interests to create art
38. Feetie Jammies on little feet
39. Quiet Nights with the One I love
40. My parents for watching our children almost every time we ask
41. Watching my children encourage one another
42. Pictures colored with crayon
43. Sleeping in
44. Waking up to Breakfast made by my loving husband
45. Giggles
46. Walking to the Park
47. A warm and cozy hug
48. A newly woken baby girl
49. My daughter walking now
50. My boys that love their sister so much
One Thousand Gifts
I have so much to be thankful for as I sit and consider what I will be praising God for tonight. I sometime don't know where to start. There are moments that I find that I'm so selfish, envious, covetous, and have a feeling of entitlement. I instantly pray and ask that my heart be softened to see God's grace in my life, His gifts, blessings, annointings, and faithfulness. I've been meditating upon the grace and mercy of God over the past few weeks. Isn't it the very foundation of all He has done for us? Grace in that He gives us those things which we do not deserve, Mercy for not giving us the things we do deserve, such as death. I and sad for those who do not know this Jesus. My heart breaks for the times that I do not appreciate knowing this Jesus and taking it for granted.
When I considering the blessings God has placed into my life I sometimes find myself thinking, "I can't write that one, that is small and silly." I strive to think of BIG things God does for me. In that quest I lose sight of the small but significant gifts He has given to me.
So, tonight I dedicated my gifts to the Small yet Significant gifts God has place into my life and my families life that often go unnoticed and unmentioned.
God's Abundant Gifts
17. A comfortable bed to sleep in
18. The ability to shower each day
19. A table to eat at with my family
20. More than one pair of jeans to clothe myself with
21. Electricity and running water
22. Green grass for my children to enjoy
23. An office to work in
24. The ability to read and write
25. Beds for my children to sleep in
26. A car to drive-no matter the year, make or model
27. A washing machine and dryer to clean my clothes
28. The ability to hear and make music
29. Water to drink
30. Shoes on my feet
I know they seem small and often "givens" in our privelaged American life. There are few people I know personally who go without the blessings mentioned above. But, the reality is that in parts of the world those blessings are unheard of. How rich are our lives and I often don't even consider such simplicities as blessings. Shame on me!
Along with not appreciating the small things, I too fall victim to the lie that life must be busy, we must be going, doing, and rushing. I often find myself filling our schedule. I LIKE to be busy. Not TOO busy but busy. I call it LIVING. But, there is a fine line that the enemy likes to blur when it comes to staying busy, we tend to miss the beauty and the opportunity that lies in the quiet. I've tried to spend more time at home with my children. To take in the daily opportunity to watch them grow and live. This has been challenging for me because I like to go out and DO things with them. But, when we are out and doing I cannot take as much care to instruct them and guide their path. Each moment offers opportunity to teach them something but being still and quiet gives more opportunity in a controlled environment. It allows everyone to remain peaceful. When we are TOO busy I PRAISE God less. I have less time to stop and lift up thanks to Him. I pray the Lord would help me find the right balance between being busy and doing it unto HIM, praising Him in all things, and being peaceful at home. That I might find the blessings in all moments. I found a great quote on At the Well:
