From At the Well:
“I am such a bad mom!”
As it has happened before–more times than I care to mention–I retreat from the chaos, hollering, and fighting into my bedroom, to give myself a time out.
“Father, I need your help. I’m not doing a very good job at this!” I am irritated and impatient. Quick to anger, abounding in selfishness, and not at all clothed with compassion or gentle understanding. I desperately want to be a good mom. Really, I do! I only have one problem. Sin.
I remember reading a book, before my husband and I had any children of our own, that claimed to be about how to raise kids to love Jesus. In the opening chapter of the book, the author made it clear that I had better deal with all of my problem areas, shortcomings, and sins before I ever considered having kids. If I didn’t, there was no way my children would follow God. I, the inveterate perfectionist that I am, panicked. If that was the case, there was no way that I could ever be a mom.
God, in His providence, helped me to put that book down. I never did finish reading it. I think many Christian moms cripple ourselves with perfectionism. We weigh ourselves down with a heavy burden, as though our children were saved by our works of righteousness.
How foolish we are to think this way! Lord, help us! The truth of the matter is that I am a bad mom. You are a bad mom. We’re all bad moms. The only solution to our problem is the Gospel.
“It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all.” 1 Timothy 1:15 (NASB)
And so we repent and believe. And repent. And believe. And repent and believe.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 (ESV)
I confess my sins before Him. My totally desperate state, completely incapable of being a good mom on my own.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5 (ESV)
“I thank you, Father, that I don’t need to mother these children you have given me by my own strength. Help me to mother them by your grace.”
“Children, I’m really sorry for losing my temper just a few minutes ago. It was wrong of me to yell at you all like that. Will you forgive me?”
My little ones look up with me, with a sweet trust in their wide, precious eyes that I know I don’t deserve.
“Yes, Mom, we forgive you.”
They throw their arms around me, like the prodigal mom come home, and I choke back the tears. No, my children do not have a perfect mom. What they have is a redeemed mom. A mom who needs the Savior just as much as they do.
Bad Mom and Repentance
Nourished Roots
The warriors are laying low, flashes of light flickering across the front room, sleeping bags laid out upon the floor and eyes heavy with a hard days work. Swimming can take a warrior and bring him to a vulnerable pause...boys and their endless energy finds its weakness in a day of swimming and sun.
The quiet begins to settle in here and I have a moment to meditate and think of all the ways the Father has blessed my life, even when the blessings sometimes feel heavy like burdens they are gifts and blessings none-the-less.
The roots of the children slowly spreading into the soil we live on here, increasing their strength and bringing them steadfast memories which draw up character.
The arrows in the quiver are a part of God's plan to hold firm the front line against the enemy. They are to be grown into men who can withstand the enemy and fight for the honor of their Lord, their Savior. The arrows have been placed into my quiver, by God, as gifts, always as gifts nothing less, and their path is mine to sow.
Prayers cover them from my heart, exhaustive work and dedicated love to raise them up into men. I cry out to my God for help, and not often enough, as the days mark endless opportunities to fine tune their character and call them unto Him. Their flesh fights me so...
I hear them giggling, I see their sweet little toes pressed firmly against the wall unit as they watch the flickering images across the screen. Their unique God given personalities fill our home and engrave memories upon the walls. They are precious. Full of hugs, kisses, sweet embraces, in need of correction and discipline in order to find the straight path, and me often asking for forgiveness as we tread the path together...
God has placed us here together...
Father lift them towards you, hold them close, right my wrongs and teach them your ways. Wrestle the flesh that it may subside and your Glory be found. Increase their wisdom. Sow seeds of faith and carry them when they are weak. I give them to you just as you gave them to me.
I pray the roots we plant grow deep, nourished by the King.
Homeschooling Mothers Arise
A wonderful article from At the Well speaking to the life of Homeschooling moms:
Homeschool mothers relate to the feelings that come from drudgery. The days are long and tedious. The success that comes of the toil sometimes goes unseen for months, maybe even years. Our lives seem downright plain and ordinary. Our work goes unnoticed. Our existence remains unobserved. Life can become commonplace. Where do we go from here? How can we keep going from day to day?
Oswald Chambers said, “Drudgery is one of the finest touchstones of character.” A touchstone is defined as “a hard black stone, such as jasper, formerly used to test the quality of gold or silver by comparing the streak left on the stone by one of these metals with that of a standard alloy.” A touchstone is a gauge, which is used to test the quality of a precious metal in comparison to a commonplace metal. During our times of drudgery, do we want to show our character as being that of pure gold or as a mixture of commonplace metals? I would much rather present myself to Jesus as gold–experiencing the ordinary–rather than being ordinary.
The truth is, our feelings of inadequacy overpower us when we fail to see God’s handiwork in the smallest details of our everyday lives. We wait for God to show us the extraordinary thing for which we have been laboring. We look for Him to guide us to our pinnacle of success so that we can give Him the glory. We should be giving Him the glory throughout the mundane tasks that are before us each day. It is when we are in the valley, between the pinnacles of success, we see where we have been and how far He has led us.
Jesus stepped down from His heavenly domain and meekly washed His disciple’s feet. In turn, let us walk the path of humility that He has placed before us. We are not so admirable that we deserve the praiseworthy work rather than what Jesus has given us to accomplish. His plan is perfect and we must accept the plan, no matter how ordinary that plan may seem. Seeing the exceptional within the ordinary makes the mundane extraordinary.
Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the Glory of the Lord rises upon you. – Isaiah 60:1
The glory of God is upon you on the mountain tops of success and in the valleys of the commonplace. Take your place, accept your calling, place your feet firmly on the path, look toward the goal, and arise and shine!
Love for the Long Haul- One Thousand Gifts
I love my husband...
He stands tall for Christ...
Works hard for his family...
Battles the inevitable struggle between work and home with patience and a quiet spirit...
He loves greatly...
Serves honestly...
Often puts himself last...
Loves comes easy...whispers sweetly in the quiet moments we have together...
I trust him...give our life to him...
The long pause comes in the question as to whether or not he FEELS my love...
Do I show my love..
Consider him in the things I do...
Serve him the way I serve the children...
What do the quiet moments look like?
Respect is a word that is difficult to achieve...it seems for me. It comes easy when times are easy and is much harder when the trust must be deeper...the falling could be harder...the risk with the children graver...
Emotionally I feel love for him, supreme respect for the life he gives to us and the giving he does for us...showing him must take a higher priority.
I found a few wonderful things to consider from Focus on the Family:
- becoming better listeners;
- taking responsibility for our actions and feelings;
- avoiding blame;
- being more affectionate and considerate;
- becoming partners in parenting;
- respecting each other's differences;
- supporting each other in extended family conflicts;
- praying individually and as a couple;
- journaling feelings individually;
- placing a priority on time together;
- submitting to God as their authority;
- being proactive in keeping the Love Alive.
- Be Attentive
- Be Available
- Be Aware
- Be Appreciative
In an effort to express my thankfulness and the gifts that embody my husband that I might feel compelled to Show Him my LOVE and in turn sacrificially love Him.
Gifts--A Husband Who...
276. Washes Dishes
277. Night time bed routine with the kids
278. Daddy's night time stories
279. Playing Rough House even after a LONG day
280. Gives sweet, honest Compliments
281. Working hard and playing with us harder
282. Tender hugs (even if briefly)
283. Watches a show late into the night
284. Prepares Candled baths
285. Cleans up Dinner
286. has Flexibility
287. has Passion
288. Serves the King
289. Raises Arrows
290. Brews fresh tea
291. Loves his friends
292. Serves others
293. has Vision
294. Provides
295. is Trustworthy
296. is Loving
297. is Kind and Generous
298. is Sensitive yet Strong
299. Loves adventure
300. Loves New
The reality is the list could continue for some time. God has blessed me with an amazing partner even though I never deserved it. I am thankful for His love for me and our children is guiding me to the right spouse. I only hope to be a great partner, girlfriend, and love for him.
Inspiring Moments
Inspiring Moments...They come often, and quietly.
I turn and God gives inspiration in the moments that take my breath.
My children and the hope that glistens on the edges of their growing bodies as I see glimpses of goodness coming from my mothering and our parenting.
The sweet turns to sweat when I hear them love, laugh, obey, and live contently.
Inspiration, often like breathing, comes and goes with only whispers and when it comes God wisks you forward, keeps you going. He simply moves you when you feel unable to move.
It is the carrying He does when I need to train them, the movement towards the vacuum for the third time that day, the still, quiet moments you sit to read to them and they listen...
Inspiration appears with many feelings and wearing many faces and comes in various times and seasons.
Ann's words, a source of inspiration He often uses in my life as I hear her speak the words my heart sings...
As she, Ann, talks of her youngest daughter I think upon my oldest son, soon turning six and the world of infancy being stolen from him like a thief and manhood rising up inside my boy-child.
Although mine are not "near grown" I feel time wrestling me for them...his grip tight upon their bodies as they stretch and grow...
I hear true her words:
Be inspired....
Slow the pace....
Grow slowly and steadily...
Soak it in and sink it deep...
