He, the deceiver, is good at bringing moments of distraction into our daily lives which tend to linger too long and pause on the way out with a final whispering word as to keep your eyes turned away from what truly matters.
Our lives are busy...maybe not always on the go and often we find ourselves at home, but the moments are moving, often fleeting, always in motion towards the next bridge, path, fork in the road. We often forget to pause, breathe and take it all in.
God allows the motion to come in and sharpen us, refine our fight and our will in the war. But, then the deceiver whispers again...distractions...the turning of the head for even just a moment can cause our motion, our natural motion to shift just slightly off course.
We must hear the Father's call to find our course. We must breathe...find the rhythm of the Master, the motion of the Son.
It's a minor shift off track but is rocks the very center of the motion God allows to come in and sharpen us.
To see the moments, the minutes, the trials, the sharpening as anything less than controlled and held by the Father we would be believing a lie...yet another distraction.
I so often hear myself echoing back after instructing the children or reproaching them for inappropriate actions and I realize...I did not allow the Father to refine me in the moment. I allowed the moment to distract me from the opportunity...
How can I breathe and let the moments refine me?
Willingly I experience refining after the fact but in the moment I often fail to fight and seek God's will in the war.
I'm regretful for those moments not handled so well, the ones where I overreacted, acted impatiently all while asking them to show patience and grace. Lord, help them to be blind to my hypocrisy...its unintentional and often repented for as I walk this path as a mother.
I've run out of redo's. Cole is turning 7 this summer, he'll begin to remember how I react, how I talk, how I make him feel. Any grace period that exists although most likely just a ghost, has begun to end.
I MUST find the strength to push out the distractions, CALL forth the will to wage the war, to be refined, to take a breathe in all moments and speak only words that matter.
God, bring the refining moments and help me to move with the motion that is filled with you. To find YOU in all things...the chance to show you, serve you, reflect you and most importantly fill myself with you so it will pour out as the natural motion of our lives takes place.
There is no space to allow distraction to settle, although it often comes, when the space is filled with YOU.
The Deceiver and Distractions
Gift Challenge-Joy in the Loss
We recently suffered the loss of our sixth pregnancy. We were beyond excited to be having number 6. God did many strange things this time. In the past I've slowed my nursing down, had 1 cycle and gotten pregnant with ease.
This time I had 3 full cycles before conceiving. I became impatient, which is ridiculous. Where is the trust, faith, joy, and peace in that. None the less I was feeling irritated with the change in status quo.
Then conception. I was so excited, the kids were excited...there was no lack of love for this tiny,knitted person growing in my womb.
On April 15th, just four days after the bleeding began, I passed the baby at home, in the quiet. After learning the heartbeat had stopped I cried quietly to myself as to not frighten the children. I processed what it meant. No baby on November 2 this year. No growing belly, baby kicks. There was grief that first day after finding out. Questions, disappointment, guilt...
Then as we waited for the baby to pass naturally there was much to consider and be thankful for. It was a reminder of how richly blessed we already are. And although we don't always understand why or to what end God allows things to happen, I do know He allows them so that we might be refined, given a chance to glow in the sadness with a richness that can only come from Him. There is Joy in the struggle and in this moment I hoped to reflect Him.
So, I think it is fitting to dedicate today's gift challenge to finding the JOY in the Sorrow.
301. 5 healthy, beautiful children
302. Blessings abundant that can only come from having children
303. Smoochy kisses from my 18 month old
304. A few more moments to enjoy an empty womb which allows for more time and attention on the 5.
305. A supportive husband who lovingly held me when my heart was sad and stayed home to be with me as we waited for the final passing.
306. The love and support from so many strong mommy women, showing their love and their grief in the loss with me.
307. Making the joy of someday having one more feel even more special
308. Deepening the Longing
309. Driving deep the conviction that children are a heritage
310. The reminder the God is in control
311. Remembering to breathe and trust in Him
312. Slowing down
I won't forget those moments with this little precious life. It is something many women experience, many whom do not already have 5 wonderful gifts, and many who are much further along than I was. The beauty in it is the depth in which it roots into your soul. It is something maybe only a mother or mother to be could explain and even then words will fall incredibly short. It's an unspoken love and a deep longing. I'm actually, now thankful for it. I pray to encourage and help others who will experience this as our lives move forward.
Things to Remember When Times Seem Tough
"Much of what God allows in your life is not for you to simply accept, but to get you to rise up! God wants you to know how to wield the weapons of warfare, how to take a stand, and how to fight." -Captivating
"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope." -Romans 15:4
"God's version of flowers and chocolates and candlelight dinners comes in the form of sunsets and falling stars, moonlight on lakes and cricket symphonies; warm wind, swaying trees, lush gardens, and fierce devotion.....He knows what takes your breath away, knows what makes your heart beat faster. We have missed many of His notes simply because we shut our hearts down in order to endure the pain of life. Now, in our healing journey as women, we must open our hearts again, and keep them open. Not foolishly, not to anyone and anything. But yes, we must choose to open our hearts again so that we might hear His whispers, receive His kisses." (Captivating)
Now, Jesus said, don't you think God cares just a little bit more for you than the birds of the air? "Are you not much more valuable than they?"(Matt. 6:26). Indeed, you are. You, dear heart, are the crown of creation, His glorious image bearer. And He will do everything it takes to rescue you and set your heart free. (Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge)
Don't be decieved. "Satan is the one keeping you in bondage. He is the one who has done these things in order to prevent your restoration. He fears who you are; what you might become." Don't believe the lies...believe the Truth.
Absent....then Easter
I don't even know how longs it's been since I wrote. It seems like forever. No One Thousand Gifts, No poetic writings of my trials as a mother or my joys. I've gone silent over the past few months. Things have been...strange.
I'd like to blame homeschooling. It sent us into a new schedule, placed new demands upon my time, my free "me" time, caused me to cherish a quick nap when I can grab one.
The holidays came and went with a whirlwind...why do I fear this will all happen again too soon. It's already April for goodness sakes. April...
We have a January birthday, twinkies in March, trips to the dunes as a family...sometimes it's a blur. But, a lovely, blessed, crazy, sometimes manic blur...
I'm a perfectionist, I think we've talked about this before. My ever demanding need to keep things consistent, updated, and perfected. When too much time goes by without writing or sitting down to share on our family blog (which operates much more like a timeline of events than this particular blog) I tend to then avoid it because I'm uncomfortable with the imperfection.
Isn't is crazy? Blogging doesn't have to be perfect. It's just a simple window to my heart. Something I actually use to leave behind a piece of myself for my children. It's a journal. But I started and restarted journals as a kid when too much time went by. I couldn't stand the lapsing in time. I wanted to be a perfect, neat, tidy, wonderful little journaler (is this a word?). What world is that from?
But, as is to be expected, here I am again picking up after a month of being away and tons of inconsistencies before that. God is refining me through even something as simple as this!
Easter
I've laid low this year about Easter. Much less than the year before have I talked and read about the coming celebration. Maybe I'm tired or maybe it's just a year to be quiet.
Christmas was quiet this year and for that I'm grateful. It simplified God's love for us. Made the whole thing just about God coming to earth. No confusion or too much information (which I think I've done before with the Jesse Tree and readings).
Easter is following this same smoothly, quiet path.
My oldest randomly asked me when were going to do Passover, by marking our doors with red paint and sharing in the model God set in motion long before Jesus was actually nailed to the cross. They get the picture. My sweet, sinful, distract able little children see the picture painted by God in Egypt and then again in Isaac and then again on the cross.
It amazes me. There is no confusion to them. It is as clear as day. Jesus is the blood on the walls, the lamb in Isaac's place, the final payment of our sin at Galgotha.
We began to read this morning to start our school day in Matthew of Jesus being crucified. It is a simple version of the events, not too filled with details in case they get distracted, when they get distracted.
Within minutes the questions are flooding from their mouths. "Who helped Jesus carry the cross?", "Was Jesus' brother there to watch him die?", "Was his mommy sad?", "Where was his daddy?", "Where did he go after he died before he rose from the tomb?", "Does he live in heaven now?", "He loves us so much mom.".
I asked my children if they would be willing to die for the whole world, beyond the people they love and who love them. My oldest who is still 6 (even though I like to treat him like he is already 7), pondered this carefully and then matter of factly said, "No. They don't deserve it."
It was as though God simply handed me the smoothest line of questions and answers in order to perfectly paint for my children the ultimate and love and sacrifice Jesus gave to us on the cross. I couldn't have planned it better. I simply obeyed the tugging from the Lord to read to them from the Bible. Something I don't do enough b/c they tend to get bored.
God is faithful.
We then took a hike up the hill at a nearby church to see the cross and see the tomb, to ponder even more what He did for us that day. What God had planned from the moment Adam took the apple in His desperate desire to draw us back to Him. To bridge the gap between the creator and the created.
I saw the cross today through my children. I put the pieces together again in a renewed way and then reminded us all that it isn't just about eternity. It has to be about today. Living out the gospel today. Loving, sharing, forgiving...
I asked them, "If the cross and the gospel are the most important things in our life, do we share them with others like we should?". Cole, stated, "No, I don't." I asked him why. "Because I get nervous."
Me too buddy. Me too. It's true. We don't want to offend, put off, seem weird...Well, I don't want to do that. But, the gospel is the most living and breathing thing we as Christians have to share.
In what ways has the Gospel moved you today?
