One of the best recommendations I've been given this year has come from a friend at church. We switched churches this year and began attending a Family Integrated Church near our house. It has been a wonderful experience for us as we decipher God's calling in our lives as parents of a large family and the unique challenges and abundant blessings that come from that calling.
A seasoned mother in our church told me about a book. "Raising Godly Tomatoes" is the name and tomato staking is the heart of the book. Not real tomatoes but rather our children.
The author has so many wonderful passages about children, raising them, loving them, schooling them, loving them...yes I said it twice on purpose. She points out that disciplining them, rather raising them in a disciplined, loving, consistent home is quite a gift.
The children are the tomatoes...she compares them to a real one. Tomatoes grow better when staked, held close to the stake to be supported, rooted, healthy, strong...
Children are similar. They need to be close, nearby, influenced, talked with, encouraged, struggle snuffed quickly, strife resolved swiftly, love spoken often...
Children need to be staked to the mother, or the father. They learn best that way. When staked to the parent they are given tasks, taught methods, trained, and spend time learning and watching the parent to learn how to be a woman or a man. It truly is a beautiful picture.
The hope is to stake when necessary, when we see strife or rough behavior, but also to focus on each of them at a specific time that we may be intentional with each of them independently as well as together. I'm sure it will take some learning, some time...But the hope is to nurture their growth, plant seeds of hope and love for Christ, mature them into arrows, that their direction will be clear and concise.
“Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” – Galatians 6:7-9
Dear Mother, your little one’s hearts are gardens that need tending. Are you carefully cultivating the Word of God in their hearts, tilling with grace, watering with love, and warming with prayer? You can be sure that something will grow there. The question is, will it be the Word, or will it be weeds? --from At the Well
Tomato Staking
Influencing Your Husband
A Great Post from At The Well regarding the Positive Influence of a Woman:
Influence your husband. I recently read the book “Girls Gone Wise” by Mary Kassian, and wow! I was much more “wild” than I thought…not really in my actions, but in my heart, oh yes. When I got to chapter 18 of 20, I had already been made aware of my wildness, but yet I was reminded again. Here’s an introductory excerpt:
“The Lord created women with a unique relational bent. Therefore, women are powerful influencers – particularly in their relationships with men. How do we use this gift wisely? How can we make sure that we are influencing others in a positive way?”
I paused here. I pondered. Am I influencing my husband in a positive way? I continued…
“A wise woman knows that it’s not her words, but her behavior that carries the biggest clout when it comes to compelling change. The more Christlike you are, the more positive your influence will be. If you truly want to influence someone else for good, you won’t focus on changing his behavior. You’ll focus on changing your behavior. You’ll work at becoming more godly, and on interacting in a more godly way.”
Wow. So it’s not about our husband’s actions…but, it’s about our actions. It’s about a desire to change what we control, not control someone else. It’s about influencing by our life. I continued on further for practical application…
“A positive influencer is very wise and careful with her words. She wins others over “without a word.” She’s not a blabber, jabber, nagger, whiner, complainer, or yammerer. Nor does she use wiles, charms, smooth talk, or sweet talk to manipulate. She gives very little in the way of advice – so the little she says is extremely powerful and effective.
I don’t know about you, but this hits right at my heart. Many times in my interactions with my husband, I am not influencing him wisely, or positively, or effectively. It’s more of the blabbering, whining, charming kind of way…
When December Comes Toooo Fast
What is left are just the faint remnants of October and November and a few snaps of the camera to catch the fleeting moments. It seems we were just starting the school year, traveling through Egypt, learning about Moses and Noah and contemplating our sinful hearts...
Through the finger paint, coloring, field trips, math lessons, soccer, Karate, gymnastics, and exploring the human body... the days turned to minutes and we suddenly find ourselves into the holiday season.
The sparkling bows, Christmas trees, flashing lights, and joyful music now fills the air...
Promptly I felt badly for not being prepared, ready, equipped with my usual advent activities and ready to implant into their hearts, yet again, the True meaning of Christmas...
But, it was beyond my control, I couldn't back up, slow down, and prepare to be ready, I had to accept the moment...where I was sitting right that second.
I heard God whisper to me, "slow....slow down....the meaning can be found in the quiet."
In years past in my attempts to stir their hearts, build traditions, and impart a passion for Christ, I've noticed their boyish neglect of my efforts. They hear the stories, appreciate the moments together, but could never, at this stage, truly know the depth of my efforts or the cry of my heart.
Their boyish neglect or playful disregard at times affects my spirit...my idol is reveled and my desire to be the "perfect" mother trumps my ability to let the boys foolishness role...
So, this year, with the same intentions to draw them deeper, show them the true Light of Christmas, and stir passion in their hearts, we will SLOW...
Slow to pray...25 days of prayer...simple scriptures to sink deep in their hearts. Simple prayers that follow the Jesse Tree but without all the bustle of the tree itself.
Slow to self...25 days of praying for others...lifting up holiday needs for the ones we love.
Slow to truly follow Jesus...25 days of discussing Christs attributes.
True the slowing doesn't call for glitter, glue, scissors, or fancy trees, but rather quiet hearts. The training of the hearts of my man children to find the meaning in the quiet.
I pray as the countdown begins today that I too might find the moments to be still...to slow down...and be quiet...
To see again the True meaning to Christmas.
