Exasperating our Children

I found this GREAT List at Sprittibee...

You Exasperate Your Children When You...


1. Never admit you are wrong.

Instead, tell your children you have made a mistake and ask their forgiveness and God's if you sin in your actions or attitudes.

2. Model hypocrisy (say one thing, do another)

3. Fail to keep promises.

Be cautious with your words. You may not think you are making a promise, but your children may interpret your words or actions as promises.

4. Demand too much of them.

Don't expect them to act like adults. Be reasonable in your expectations of their actions, attitudes and how much responsibility you expect of them. Try timing your workflow to see if what you are asking is even possible (if you tend towards overloading the schedule).

5. Over protect them.

Don't bail them out of problems - let them learn the hard way now. The cost will be less now than later in life when you aren't there to pick them up.

6. Batter them with words.

Use your words sparingly! Be consistent and let your yes be yes, your no be no, and your words be solid in action.

7. Abuse them verbally.

Never call names, add explanation marks to their names or predict failure. Find ways to compliment and praise them instead. Tell them all the things they do well - not a list of their shortcomings.

8. Make discipline too severe.

9. Show favoritism.

Don't compare children in their achievements, abilities or grades. They are each unique gifts from God.

10. Embarrass them.

Be careful and cautious with how you speak about them to others - especially when they are present.

11. Give no time warnings.

Don't come in a room and tell them to stop immediately unless they are doing something that will harm them or others. Give them a few minutes to adjust to your expectations. Tell them 'bed in five minutes' or 'we are leaving in ten minutes, so please finish and clean up' - then follow through!

12. Try to be their buddy.

You are the parent. Time for friendships is later in life when they are parents themselves.

13. Withhold firm discipline and proper training.

If you tell them dinner is ready and they don't come, no dinner. Don't debate. You are the parent. Train them in the way they should go and always remain calm and prayerful in your decisions. Then stick to it!

14. Discipline inconsistently/use different punishments for the same offense.

Each child should receive the same punishment for the same crime. Being tired is no excuse for inconsistent punishments. Keep a journal to ensure consistency.

15. Are weak with your authority.

Don't let the children ask you repeatedly to have or do something. Don't allow them to even TRY to wear you down. If you make a decision, stick to it.

16. Consistently believe evil of them.

When you are suspicious of them, making accusations of wrongdoing, you are deflating their trust in your unconditional love and acceptance of them. Be happy with them and know that you are blessed to be their parent. Your trust and acceptance can encourage them to make right choices.

17. Do not listen to them.

Let them explain their frustrations with you and be honest with you about how they feel - even if it upsets you. They should be polite and respectful, but they should always be allowed to come to you with their feelings.

18. Continually criticize them.

"A child can only take so much gloom." - Little House on the Prairie

19. Communicate to them that they are unwanted.

If you tell them it would be easier to go to work than take care of kids at home and they will think you would rather be there. Don't tell them what you are giving up to raise them or they will think you would rather not be their parent. When you are frustrated, pray - do not speak hurtful things you will regret.

20. Threaten them with rejection.

If they are not doing what they should, discipline them. If they refuse to obey, let them sit outside on a bench in your back yard because you will not allow willful disobedience in your home. Don't threaten them with empty threats. Only say what you really mean after you have time alone to pray about the issue. Ask for help if the disobedience spirals out of control. Maybe an objective mentor can give you ideas you haven't thought of to curb the problem.

21. Never communicate your approval of them.

If you only take time out of your day to correct them and not ever to encourage them, you are teaching them to seek your attention through negative actions. You are also making them not like themselves - which will make them seek approval in others by doing things to get attention from their peers.

22. Neglect them.

Don't allow the phone or your own private duties to interrupt your time together. Make time to build a relationship with them. Take time to listen and communicate with them. Get to know them as a person. Keep a prayer journal for them and make notes about time you have spent talking with them. Remember what it was like to court your spouse? Love them with your whole heart. The house cleaning can wait.

23. Overindulge them.

Don't allow them to be part of your decision making when you are making parental decisions and don't spoil them with material things. Don't allow too much screen time or 'twaddle' or they will develop a taste for 'the easy life' and balk at hard work and deep thinking. They will expect things to be given to them and not want to put out effort to achieve them.
24. Reward insolence, sass, pouting, anger, or disrespect.

A child should never raise his voice at his parents unless he is calling you from afar. Do not allow a disrespectful tone to be rewarded by acknowledgment. Cease the conversation and discipline. Bad attitudes are a symptom of a clouded heart. The bible talks about the heart's wickedness. A great book on discipline and heart issues is "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Ted Tripp.

25. Cease a time of chastisement before it has produced humility.

Don't stop in your punishment of bad behavior until you see the fruit of a changed heart. If the actions AND attitudes change, you have succeeded in your objective as their disciple. If there is only an action change, and yet their countenance is still angry, you have only taught them that lip service is all you are asking of them. Their heart is the root of the disobedience. Your job is not to weed out bad behavior, but to till the soil of the heart until GOOD can grow there.
 
I need to print this and put it on my fridge! I hope you do the same.

Ramblings of my Mind-QUIVERFULL

When Justin and I got married we said we wanted 7 children.  We agreed on that, crazy I know.  We thought it sounded awesome.  Especially not having any children to speak of yet.  Once we had Cole we thought maybe 7 was too many but certainly, at least, 3.  We had talked about God's view of childbearing and the idea that trusting Him with all things includes how many children we have and when.  We didn't want to trust God with the rest of our lives and not with our children. 

You know the story, we then had the twins, which were an amazing blessing.  We were so surprised to have twin boys.  We felt so special and chosen by God to be called with twins.  They were harder work.  There is definately no rest for the weary when raising two little bundles of joy. 

Once the twins had reached almost a year we were deciding what to do, continue or stop.  I felt a tugging to have another but I didn't want to push my husband.  He was leaning towards stopping.  I was patient.  I didn't argue about it, that I can remember, I simply stated my position.  It didn't take long and Justin seemed softened with the idea.  He gave me a window to get pregnant stating that if it was God's will it would happen.  Mother's day 2008 I was prego!!!  Our first Daughter.  God's will indeed.

Here we are now, with 4 beautiful, healthy, wonderful children.  Brynn is approaching a year and the decision is to be made yet again.  I've been seeing, reading, and noticing large families everywhere.  I'm inspired by their families, their devotion to Christ, their faith.  I don't feel frantic about it but I do wonder what will we do.  We've talked about both ways and still no firm decision is made.

I've been doing some reading tonight and I found the Blog, "Raising Arrows".  On her blog she talks about the term QUIVERFULL.  I hadn't heard that term before.  "The term is used to describe any family who leaves their childbearing completely in the Lord's hands. This means no birth control, no sterilization, and no Natural Family Planning; no prevention of any kind."  I instantly feel a tugging in my heart.  I want to trust God's headship in my life, even in fertility.  But, surprisingly, I'm nervous.  I don't get nervous about much.  With a little heart prompting I realize I'm nervous about what others will think.

I don't want to be, but I am.  I don't want to be seen as careless, irresponsible, lacking in wisdom, impatient, overworked, etc.  The list is long.  I want to do what God has called me to do with ease and clear direction.  Then add in that my husband has to be on board.  God has to call him to this same place.

There are some awesome resources out there to read and be challenged by concerning Quiverfull. 

I suppose this decision and conviction still has some working out to be done by us, but until then, I desire to be in prayer about it, seeking God's will in it, and peacfully placing it in His hands.


Nate and Paula Wilson

http://home.att.net/~nathan.wilson/brthcntl.htm

MOMYS

http://www.momys.com/

QuiverFull
http://www.quiverfull.com/

I love this quote from Raising Arrows: The world says children are a burden; something that sucks us dry of precious time and energy. The world tells us we must think of ourselves first and foremost and if we don't, we are likely to lose ourselves in the murky waters of parenthood. The world says motherhood is a pasttime, a hobby, something to be done when we aren't so busy. The world is wrong!

Psalm 127:3-5 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb



is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the


youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be


ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

60/60 Challenge-Update

Okay so in a previous post I talked a little about the 60/60 challenge.  I put together my cards, which I just happened to blend the 60/60 and the 7x7 challenge to help me stay on track with both.  I put my 7x7 verses on my cards, grabbed a lanyard and loaded in 2-3 cards each day, 7 won't fit!   I just rotate through them during the week.  My watch automatically beeps each hour so it reminds me to pray them.  I often pray them silently while I read them or if I'm with my children I read them aloud.  I don't make a scene about it, I just do it quietly.  I always ask them if I can pray over them, they always say yes! That is awesome.

I will say doing it for 60 days has been challenging.  I feel like I need to start over b/c I've missed so many days in the last month or so.  I know the point isn't perfection so I'm not stressed about it, but I do think I will continue to do it until I can do all 60 days in a row.  Hopefully it will be habit then.

I think my next major challenge it putting more scripture to memory b/c I would like to get to a point where I don't have to have the cards at all anymore, just the beep and a prayer.  That is my goal!  Then once I have my scriptures memorized and I've made a habit of praying over my children and my husband I might move outward to those around me.

I hope you are finding the challenge encouraging as I am and being in a constant state of communication with the Lord to be refreshing. 

Discretion

I was moved by the post on At the Well the other day in which the writer talked about discretion. She states, "Discretion is something we all like to think we practice, yet we know there are times when we speak badly of our husbands or our children or our mother-in-law and discretion gives way to venting which gives way to a drippy faucet of complaints.Sometimes we take the “high road” and do our complaining without mentioning names. We stand on our proverbial soapbox and rant and rave about certain behaviors that bother us while envisioning one particular person, who now anonymously stands condemned through our words.We may not be physically “wandering about from house to house” in this age of technology, but we most certainly have the opportunity to mentally wander in and out of websites saying whatever we please along the way." 

I love the part about Drippy Faucets of complaining.  I totally do this.  I condemn others with my words while thinking I'm remaining above board by not mentioning names.  Why do I do this?

God is so clear about how we use our mouths and our words.  There are reminders galore about having a tame tongue and restraining our lips.  It is so hard to keep our words under control.

I often wonder what type of example I'm being for my children?  They certainly don't need any assistance with talking too much!  It almost comes naturally for them.  In our human nature our words seem to flow without much regard for the path of distruction it leaves behind.  We must reform our lives, our words, and develop discretion. 

Please Lord help me to have a tongue with honors and uplifts You. 

One Thousand Gifts

I have so much to be thankful for as I sit and consider what I will be praising God for tonight.  I sometime don't know where to start.  There are moments that I find that I'm so selfish, envious, covetous, and have a feeling of entitlement.  I instantly pray and ask that my heart be softened to see God's grace in my life, His gifts, blessings, annointings, and faithfulness.  I've been meditating upon the grace and mercy of God over the past few weeks.  Isn't it the very foundation of all He has done for us?  Grace in that He gives us those things which we do not deserve, Mercy for not giving us the things we do deserve, such as death.  I and sad for those who do not know this Jesus.  My heart breaks for the times that I do not appreciate knowing this Jesus and taking it for granted. 

When I considering the blessings God has placed into my life I sometimes find myself thinking, "I can't write that one, that is small and silly."  I strive to think of BIG things God does for me.  In that quest I lose sight of the small but significant gifts He has given to me.

So, tonight I dedicated my gifts to the Small yet Significant gifts God has place into my life and my families life that often go unnoticed and unmentioned.

God's Abundant Gifts
17.  A comfortable bed to sleep in
18. The ability to shower each day
19. A table to eat at with my family
20. More than one pair of jeans to clothe myself with
21. Electricity and running water
22. Green grass for my children to enjoy
23. An office to work in
24. The ability to read and write
25. Beds for my children to sleep in
26. A car to drive-no matter the year, make or model
27. A washing machine and dryer to clean my clothes
28. The ability to hear and make music
29. Water to drink
30. Shoes on my feet

I know they seem small and often "givens" in our privelaged American life.  There are few people I know personally who go without the blessings mentioned above.  But, the reality is that in parts of the world those blessings are unheard of.  How rich are our lives and I often don't even consider such simplicities as blessings.  Shame on me! 

Along with not appreciating the small things, I too fall victim to the lie that life must be busy, we must be going, doing, and rushing.  I often find myself filling our schedule.  I LIKE to be busy. Not TOO busy but busy.  I call it LIVING.  But, there is a fine line that the enemy likes to blur when it comes to staying busy, we tend to miss the beauty and the opportunity that lies in the quiet.  I've tried to spend more time at home with my children.  To take in the daily opportunity to watch them grow and live.  This has been challenging for me because I like to go out and DO things with them.  But, when we are out and doing I cannot take as much care to instruct them and guide their path.  Each moment offers opportunity to teach them something but being still and quiet gives more opportunity in a controlled environment.  It allows everyone to remain peaceful.  When we are TOO busy I PRAISE God less.  I have less time to stop and lift up thanks to Him.  I pray the Lord would help me find the right balance between being busy and doing it unto HIM, praising Him in all things, and being peaceful at home.  That I might find the blessings in all moments. I found a great quote on At the Well:

Each moment I have with these children.
Each moment I have to honor and submit to my husband.
Each moment I am given to love and serve another.
Each moment I pray or sing or praise.
Michelle a Contributing Author at At the Well

I pray God would continue to remind me of the vast richness of my life (in the busy times and the quite) and His abounding blessings. May He also remind you!